Wishful Nothings
by WrittenInCrayon
Summary: A fic of wemma scenes we've longed to see. First chapter is a wemma wedding, includes alternative scene endings as well. If there's any scene or future wemma moments you'd like to read let me know and I'll write a chapter for you! :) Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi lovely readers! This chapter is dedicated to the amazing iluvwillshuester, happy (late) Birthday! I hope you enjoy the story!**_** :)**_

Emma's POV

There are moments, that seem disjointed, each in their own, unique way, but all of them so truly out of place; fractured scenes in an understood life, so honestly disrupted, that they don't seem real. Sometimes things are different. Sometimes the world seems a confused mess of colours and sounds, and nothing is ever real. Sometimes, the only time we know we're alive is when the world stops, the colour drains. In moments of silence, only the loudest of beauty can be heard. Amongst the faded technicolour only black and white is visible. And although the darkness may not be as stunning, or as blinding, what is left is something wisely cherished; something honest and real.

"Miss P? You there?" Mercedes waved her hands dramatically, rolled her eyes in frustration. "Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" She resembled a toddler pre-tantrum, ready to burst. And she was kind of right to be mad. I mean I wasn't exactly being respectful towards her. But to be honest I was finding it extremely hard to concentrate on anything other than the sound of the other glee kids, not far from where I was standing; talking, laughing, shouting; desperately trying to banish the consuming wave of anxiety that threatened to break what little control I had left.

"Yes, of course. Rachel can't be left alone with Finn or Kurt with Blaine. If they get too close pretend to faint just for long enough for you to distract Kurt and Rachel with something sparkly and Finn and Blaine to play hero and try to help me. Everything's going to be fine... Go have fun, I'll see you later." I don't know where the sudden optimism came from; I think I was trying to convince myself as much as I was her. Because really, I was absolutely terrified. What if something went wrong, like I tripped on my trail and then it ripped and I ended up flashing my relatives and everyone laughed and pointed an- "Miss P? I said the beautician's ready to start on your hair now." I returned my gaze to the concerned teen's anxious stare. "Are you sure you're okay?" "Yes." I nodded with mock confidence. "Of course I am." "Right. Well I'll see you in a bit then..." "Y-yes, yes you will." She nodded, with what I knew was masked doubt and smiled weakly before adding; "you know that if you need anything all you have to do is ask; any of the other glee kids would be happy to help... You know you're like family to all of us, I mean we've watched you and Mr Shue fall in love with each other over the years, and you've kind of been there for us, just by being there for him. You're an extremely important part of the glee club and you should know that we all care about you... You've watched us grow up too... You've seen losers become winners and enemies become friends... I think that the only thing that never changed through everything was your love for each other, and I hope that I find something like that one day... Although I doubt I ever will; what you two have is something not many people find... And you have nothing to worry about miss P, you know that you'll always have that, that wonderful love for each other at the end of everything, that's one thing that'll never change. You'll always be loved." She smiled tenderly, toying with the soft white bow of her dress in shyness. "Mercedes... I... Thank you... I had no idea you felt that way... You are an amazing, beautiful, young woman, and so, so talented... I'm sure true love is right around the corner." I smiled honestly and laughed at her response; "that was my bridesmaid speech... Just act surprised, okay?" "Sounds like a plan." She smiled in response and hugged me kindly. My worries seemed just a little bit lighter.

"So, what do you think?" I assessed my reflection critically. But discovered there was nothing to say. My make up was simple, and natural; just how I liked it. Just the right amount of pink lined my cheeks and lips, and somehow I looked younger, more alive than I ever had. Gentle, auburn curls caressed my cheeks; their spiral form was flawless even in my eyes. The rest of my glossy hair was pinned meticulously, in a way that somehow allowed the illusion of simplicity and natural perfection but which took hours to perfect. The tiny pins that held a masterpiece in place were not excessive or extravagant, but tiny and delicate, extremely feminine and stunning amongst the silky curls of my hair, they glittered in the light, so innocently beautiful, that they could be seen as unimportant, or missable, but if you did look close enough, you just might see how truly lovely they looked; all were in the shape of tiny white roses, detailed with a precisely embroiled, emerald green leaf; perfect. And then there was the dress. I had chosen to go with a simple, traditional, white dress made up of graceful layers of silk and lace, the soft, delicate material hung from my small curves effortlessly, but beautifully, I had chosen to base my dress on princess Diane's, but had made sure to slightly customize it to my preference. I really did look like a princess. The woman in the mirror smiled, and I smiled back. "I love it."

"Oh my gosh... Miss Pillsbury... You look beautiful..." I smiled mildly, almost afraid something would go wrong if I so much a grinned honestly, like that fragile happiness was hanging on a thread, and I needed to tread carefully. "Thank you Rachel, you look lovely." She did. They all did in fact. The glee girls all made beautiful brides maids and the boy's handsome page boys. I couldn't help but admire the pretty dresses, simple, red dresses, with graceful white bows and red roses clipped into each girl's carefully curled hair, roses that matched the ones they held, one for each girl, all finished with tiny, glittering diamante and a silky white bow. The boys wore white shirts and red ties, each looking so smart in their assigned outfits. I smiled to myself; all those hours of planning and panicking and comparing different types of flowers and dresses and lights had finally paid off.

"They're ready for you." Kurt whispered. Squeezing my arm sympathetically when he noticed my fearful expression. "You'll be fine." He nodded surely, as if he somehow knew that everything would turn out okay. And I smiled in response, appreciating the sentiment but still not believing. I could hear my mother's voice from outside the hall, above all the other voices, although the church held only the closest of Will and my family and friends it was still pretty loud, and my mum definitely wasn't helping the situation. I was still amazed my parents had even turned up; and my brother James had driven miles from where he lived with his lovely wife, Karen, and the twins, for the event. And then there was my cousin Betty; my only childhood friend, and my grandma, who could hardly make it out of the house, and yet she'd taken the long journey from Virginia to Ohio, probably just glad to see someone other than my bickering parents for a little while. I should've been excited to see my family, and I would have been, had I not been so nervous and had it not been _my_ family. Who they hadn't seen me since I was afraid, since I was anxious and frightened and young and unhappy; so very unhappy. I wished I was more than they expected, but I feared the description was as accurate as ever. I allowed a finger-tip the small comfort of soft silk; the neat bow that captured my bouquet of white roses so gracefully, a bunch of preciously pure flowers were held so anxiously, and with such fear, that I felt somehow guilty; almost as if I was offending their perfection, with my uncollected flawfullness. My meticulously manicured fingers clutched the flowers tightly and my breathing quickened considerably at the words: "We'll be home by five at least, I know it, I mean look at all of these people. Freakie will have an anxiety attack the minute she sees, and that will be it. Be home in time to catch the six a clock news." I had to prove them wrong. "Thank you." I smiled at Kurt and signaled the maestro with a small nod. I was ready.

The doors flew open dramatically. A hundred faces turned my way. Gasps and whispers pierced the silence; I wasn't sure which I preferred darkness or light; both were blinding; both were deadly. A sharp intake of breath and I froze, my eyes widened. _Move_. I forced my legs to work and prayed I wouldn't regret choosing such a long train. I should've learnt my lesson from Cousin Betty's wedding. I hadn't.

My father was stood by my side, but he was practically mute; and had been since he'd joined me outside. I knew he didn't want to be there, he had made it clear, if not with words than with actions, and I know that I shouldn't have cared, but I did; unconditionally, and I wanted, no, needed to do this right, just for once; I wanted all my dreams to come true. I wanted the long white dress, the brightly coloured flowers and adoring parents who told me they were proud, but was left with nothing.

The music started what seemed too late and I avoided a hundred judging eyes. I found only one. And only one mattered. _Will. _He looked so handsome in his smart suit, white shirt and red tie, and almost as anxious as me, stood up there all on his own, I searched for his eyes in the mess of shapes and figures, watching his expression as it softened and his smile broadened in adoration. And in that moment everything fell into place, all the pieces aligned and I could finally see clearly; the colour drained, the music stopped, I forgot it had even begun, but the glee kids were dancing and singing all around me, I was sure. I thought I heard my father whisper something close to caring into my ear before he left my side. But to me there was silence, wonderful, beautiful, frightening, silence. So loud it was deafening. And amongst the fear, and the worry and seemingly eternal anxiety, I found sanctuary in his eyes. The one place that'd always been home. And I smiled, because just like that, I'd won; I had Will after all, and wasn't he everything I'd ever wanted? Happiness and somewhere safe, a place so far from what I knew that nothing could touch me. There was no judgment, just a friend I could count on, it sounded familiar... And Will had turned out to be so much more, as I'd always known he would. It was suddenly clear; if I had nothing but his kindness and strength in the world I would be perfectly fine, because if you think about it, there _had_ been moments where that was all I'd had, and I'd made it through; we'd, made it through.

Surrounded by a dozen white roses and a thousand glittering fairy lights I found colourlessness, and something more beautiful than all the colour in the world. In the light I was surrounded by darkness and in a crowd I was lost and alone. Until I found continuity and the kind of love most never find. Suddenly, in the mist of madness I knew that everything was going to be okay.

Will's POV

I could have sworn that the world stopped the moment Emma's eyes met mine. Like suddenly we were alone in the bridal shop again, almost four years earlier. And in a second, I fell in love with her all over again. I remembered a beautiful, timid young woman with hazel eyes and a smile that could kill. I remembered a voice that carried an unintentional smile and the kind of grace that isn't best found out of fairy tales. A dress that I could have sworn I'd imagined; something so perfect couldn't possibly be real, but it wouldn't be enough to say was it just flawless; not when it was so much more than any one word, or however many endless sentences; nothing could ever define such loveliness. Because in that moment I remembered the kind of beauty that shines brighter and truer than a thousand candles and could burn fiercer and darker than the strongest, and most incredible of fires. I was honored to bask in her glow; to admire her beauty when most weren't enough to see something so lovely. I decided not to question my worthiness; and couldn't help but remember the first time, and the countless times after, that I'd been left speechless. This time though, I knew just what to say.

"You make a beautiful bride." I winked at the whisper only we could hear and a memory only we would ever share. Emma blushed sweetly and with a smile that needed no words she whispered a sentence I had already understood; "I'm glad I'm finally yours." I smiled blissfully in agreement, and allowed a hand to clasp hers, tenderly; I brought her tiny hand to my mouth, and softly kissed her knuckle. Sighing wistfully when a grin transformed her features and her eyes widened in adoration. "It's about time." I observed, chuckling at the colour that tinted her cheeks to a further scarlet.

The words of the Priest were barely audible, suddenly I forgot where I was; under the watchful eye of Emma's parents, their glare burning painfully even from where they were sat; as far from the front of the hall as possible, but close enough to avoid any questions, or awkwardness when Rusty returned to his seat. The voice of my mother, somehow already drunk and my fretting father trying to keep her from kissing the young man next to her; but unable to remove her from his lap, much to both men's horror; were all suddenly unimportant. Because suddenly, it was just us, and nothing else mattered.

"You saved me Will; it's as simple as that. You're more than just the man I love but my best friend in the world, the one person I can really trust and my soul mate. Anyone else would've given up a long time ago, but for some reason you chose to stay by my side after everything. I've been mean, I've yelled, and I've cried, and even when I said I didn't love you, and I left you, you were still there, picking up the pieces, and loving me through my mistakes, somehow seeing more than anyone else in the world.

I don't think I'll ever understand why you chose to love me, I never imagined I'd be so lucky; I mean you're my dream, Will; I never truly believed we could be real. And now for the rest of my life I'll wonder why, but I'll never ask, because I'm afraid I can never understand; why the most amazing man in the world choose me, when he could've had anyone.

I love you so much Will, and I know for the rest of my life I'll be less than you deserve, but the best I can be, because you love me." Tears streamed leaving their de-veiling mark on her rosy cheeks, her eyes shined with a happiness I'd never seen, and I clutched her hand just a little bit tighter than before. How could I bare to wait until "you may now kiss the bride"?

The priest cried then, and our families stopped talking and in my mum's case, hiccupping, and just watched two people who loved each other, more than anything, and deserved more than just their silence. Just for a moment, the whole world was silent.

"When I met you, I was a tired, unconfident young teacher who wasn't happy with who he was. And then one day, you told me that confidence was sexy, and I found myself in a boy band called "Ackafellas", then suddenly, I was just a little bit surer of who I was; I knew, for a start, that I wasn't meant to be in a boy band. And that Sandy is extremely creepy..." Emma giggled delicately and smiled gracefully, I continued after a moment of speechlessness; "suddenly, I was just a little bit closer to finding out who I wanted to be. It took me a few more years to find out that being a teacher isn't all about maths and science, it's about making the right choices and being who you want to be and not who the world tells you, you should be. You taught me that, every time you laughed at something I said or smiled when I mentioned the glee club I felt I knew just a little bit more about the world. It was like I'd discovered an entire universe inside your office. And after a thousand mistakes, countless tears and a whole lot of yelling, I found myself falling for the beautiful red-head whose smile lights up my day and whose laugh can make everything else disappear. I found myself in love with my best friend and my teacher; the one person I can trust, even when I say the wrong thing and make mistake after mistake. I found myself perfect in your eyes, and trying eternally to be the man you so desperately deserve.

I finally realized that you make my day with your smile and that I'd memorized the way your eyes light up when I speak. I discovered who I wanted to be, I discovered that I was a teacher not of maths or of science. I discovered that I hate Spanish and that I was never any good at it anyway. I discovered, that who I am is a man who loves you, more than anything, and who will never be perfect, or even close, who'll continue to make mistakes because he's only human, and who shouldn't try to be superman because he never will be.

There was a point that seems eternal, at which I realized, am realizing, that all I'll ever be is Will, and that all I've ever needed was you. Because you, are my dream, my best friend, my soul mate; the only place that'll ever be home was not, is not, Broadway, or anywhere else, near or far, but you; you, are my home, my destiny; you always have been. And "I love you" will never be enough to explain how I feel about you; how I light up inside when you say you care too, and how you are more special than you could ever know, or believe, but I'll say them anyway, because it never has been, and I'll try to be a better person. I'll grow just a little bit every time you laugh, I'll find myself home every time I get lost, and in the end maybe I'll be somewhere near to worthy of you." Shameless tears were streaming by the time I'd finished, my hand gripping hers even tighter than before; I was afraid her delicate fingers might break under my powerful grasp; I was clutching them so desperately, but she wasn't close enough. I doubted she ever would be.

"By the power vested in me pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride." My _wife, _Emma Pillsbury, Shuester, was my_ wife. _Finally I succumbed to the need to feel her so close, the urge that had started with Emma Pillsbury, the pretty, sweet, guidance councilor in a white dress, that day in the bridal shop. The force that seemed to pull me back to where I belonged was finally succumbed to. The magic that had maintained for four years, never truly leaving the depths of my eyes; even when her name changed and her face aged, she would always remain, Emma. My lips found hers in the black and white and the colour returned, but not the uncoordinated, messy kind, instead it was just the right amount of disorder, and imperfection, to be real but not bitter.

We pulled apart only when claps and cheers broke the beautiful silence and reminded us where we were. My forehead rested against hers and she blushed sheepishly at the intimate moment shared with our closest family and friends. I could hear Puck wolf whistling from where we were stood and I sent him a dirty look, which quickly transformed into a chuckle and a lopsided grin directed at Emma. She flushed further and bit her lip shyly. Smiling at me only. I'd never felt so special.

The rest of the day was spent in polite conversation with family and friends, Emma's tiny hand still clutched in my large one, because I was afraid I might wake up and lose her.

I watched her smile grow when we spoke to her cousin, Betty, and they mooned excitedly over her dress, giggling like school girls. "I just can't believe how beautiful you are! My little cousin all grown up! We've got to get the family together sometime, it's been too long!" Betty was incredibly sweet, and extremely enthusiastic. Slightly plum in frame with round, rosy cheeks, an honest smile and sparkly brown eyes, I could imagine her in a flowery apron, a fresh batch of cookies in her arms. She even pulled me into a warm hug the minute she found us amongst the crowd, suffocating me considerably as Emma laughed happily; I was overjoyed to see her so blissful and thankful that Betty had saved us from Emma's bickering parents. Not that it really mattered, though, for some reason their words didn't matter, not when we had the rest of our lives together, somehow, I knew Emma felt the same way, throughout their speech on the lack of red-heads present my hand never left Emma's waist, clutching her protectively to my side. Her head rested comfortably on my shoulder and her hand on my chest, as close as possible.

Her parents weren't all bad, though, I think they cared, beneath it all at least. "Take care of our little girl, Will." Rusty Pillsbury whispered when Rose disappeared for a moment. "You can count on it, Mr Pillsbury." I nodded seriously, taking the hand he offered in a firm grip. "Please, call me Rusty." A small smile was shared between two people with one thing in common, and there was finally hope.

The speeches were sweet and brief, evoking multiple tears at Finn's best man's speech and Shannon's maid of honor one. They'd both done amazing jobs. Shannon had managed to keep Sue's outbursts to a minimum throughout the meal, and Finn had kept me from freaking out too much at the altar, in the long wait for Emma's arrival; he reminded me why I was there, of the future we had waiting; sometimes I think that boy teaches me more than I him and I can't help but wish he could stay my student forever- he has so much more to teach me! I mean the boy even managed to keep Puck inline at my stag night; somehow saving us three strippers and a trip to Vegas with a few words I'll never know, and probably don't want to. Strangely, when Mercedes spoke her speech Emma winked and smiled, and the teen grinned in return, it was almost knowingly, the way they had beamed at each other, like they were part of some inside joke no one else knew. I hadn't realized they were so close.

"... And I don't want to miss a thing, coz even when I dream of you... The sweetest dream will never do, I still miss you baby, and I don't want to miss a thing..." The glee kids sung beautifully and Emma smiled wistfully at my song choice. "The Armageddon soundtrack, hmm?" I chuckled innocently. "Is it?" "Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is." Her smile transformed to one of shock when the song changed to "I could've danced all night" and then to one line of "the thong song", which earned me a scowl and a high pitched "Will!" her disapproval was quickly was broken by an unintentional smile and a harmonic giggle.

The music changed again and "we found love" came on; just for a moment, every song that was ours poured from the speakers, ending with "my life would suck without you", calmed to perfect speed for the slow dance I knew she would love; perfectly romantic.

The music was the one thing Emma had let me chose, although I admit I was more than happy to let her do most of the planning, with the occasional opinion from my behalf, I was glad I could finally give her a good surprise, one that afforded me with countless smiles and the occasional moment of false annoyance.

I clutched her against my chest and into a warm embrace, just for a moment, that wasn't long enough, until we regained composure and I held her the way one would a delicate, porcelain doll, except that she was much more precious. And I clasped her hand and stroked her gloved skin with my thumb, the way I had when she'd sung "I could have dance all night." I think she remembered, the way she smiled at my crocked grin said that she did. We laughed again and I couldn't seem to wipe the grin from my lips. "Mash up?" She smirked when I shook my head, oh no, no, no, no, Mrs Shuester..." We both grinned dreamily at the mention of her new name, "not just any mash up, but what I like to call a mega mash up.", "It's perfect." she smiled softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "Really?" and a hushed response only we could hear. "I love it.", "You do?", "I do. I do... I do!" We were laughing again in seconds, and smiling madly, earning a few strange looks from the guests, but neither of us cared, we just laughed harder at their questioning eyes and silent disapproval, and we were younger than we had been in years.

That day hardly left each other's sides, except for a few dreaded occasions, when we had to. Later that night a little girl called Lucy asked me to dance, and Emma smiled for the entire song, her sparkling, brown eyes never leaving mine, even as Rachel spoke enthusiastically, her hands flailing madly, telling a story we'd both heard countless times that night, Emma continued to grin dreamily and watch Lucy and I jumping and singing enthusiastically to hot n' cold, sung by Blaine, the Katy Perry hit he'd insisted simply must be sung.

Other than that we mostly made sure that we'd spoken to every person, including Emma's mad grandma, who informed us every time we spoke that we hadn't seen her all day, and that I looked a bit like a singer whose name she couldn't quite remember. And then there were my parents, my mother was asleep in the corner quite quickly, gin and tonic still in hand. And my father who congratulated us and told called Emma to call him "dad." I was so happy to see her eyes light up at his words and was proud of the way they seemed so comfortable together, my two favorite people getting on so well, just as I knew they would.

Emma's brother was a surprise, and I found out the little girl I had danced with earlier, Lucy, was one of the twins I'd heard so much about.

James seemed almost regretful, like the first time I'd met him; as if he was still haunted by the event that had changed his sweet, happy little sister to a fearful, anxious girl much older than her years.

That night he seemed a just little bit happier or a little less troubled, the pain was still there, though, but it lessened a little at Emma's sincere smile. And he shook my hand again, like the first and only time we had met, and we shared a small smile when he said "Thank you, Will, for making her happy, there was a point where I thought I'd never see her smile like that again. You're a good man." I nodded, understanding entirely, and replied, "You should come round for dinner one night, you know, if you're ever in the neighborhood, and make sure to bring Karen and the twins next time." James smiled honestly. "I'll hold you to that." The younger man's gaze was averted momentarily when Emma walked over to us. "James! I'm so glad you could make it!" She offered him an award winning smile and a kiss on the cheek. "I wouldn't miss it for the world... I mean it wasn't like I was invited to the other ones..." He joked and Emma winced. James laughed again, and I noticed his smile matched hers at its fullest. "It's okay Emmie, this one's the only wedding I'd want to see anyway..." His voice turned to a whisper, "you're my favorite." I chuckled at his comment, "thanks James, you're not too bad yourself." He grinned again before returning his gaze to a smiling Emma, "you look lovely Emma, like a proper princess, I bet Betty had a fit when she saw you." "She did." Emma laughed, nodding enthusiastically before sharing a knowing smile with her brother. And I watched the seemingly lost siblings laugh and grin and share memories of a childhood I realized I knew little about, and wanted desperately to be more than familiar with, I was thankful to have eternity to learn a thousand stories.

The night ended the way it had begun; with mad dancing and alcohol, only this time my mum wasn't the only one drunk, and dancing to a song that had, never before that night, seen an awkward rendition of the robot. The night ended with the kind of drunkenness that is only amounted to at the best of wedding. Even Rose Pillsbury joined in for the "Macarena", and Sue danced with Shannon to "the birdie song", she also told Emma that she "doesn't look horrible." And added "thank god there isn't a bow… And it's not yellow either..." She pondered this for a moment, sipping an unidentifiable liquid from her glass, I didn't remember seeing any green drinks at the bar... "I was worried you'd come out in yellow and look like a canary, but you don't, and that's better than looking like one, Esmeralda." Before leaving the hall, cackling happily and stumbling drunkenly. When I asked her about it on Monday she denied the whole thing, unsurprisingly.

Amazingly, there were no fights between the glee kids for the entire day. By the end of the night it was as if nothing had happened between them and they were singing and dancing and jumping along to the "time warp." A song which we saved until the end of the night for, as Emma had put it, the "antici...pation". We both joined in with this one, of course, and it was great to see the glee kids altogether again, Emma was laughing and smiling with them as if she'd always been so happy. For that moment, it was as if everything was right in the world. All of my favorite people in one room, the happiest I'd ever seen them.

Emma's eyes were glowing, her cheeks flushed with joy, a permanent smile etched into her angelic features, it was as if she'd always been so blissful, and so free. Layers of delicate white fanned out around her wildly, her hair loosened now and mad around her face in carelessly perfect curls. It was as if she'd never been lost or alone; always been mine.

I knew she'd never be alone again, not with me, not ever.

After a wonderful day I somehow found myself eager for the end. Selfishly I wanted to be the only one to see such beauty, because she was, and I wanted more than anything to capture the light that seemed to pour from her eyes when she smiled, and bring it to life every time the darkness threatened to overcome, as it had many times before.

"Will! What are you doing?!" Emma screeched when I lifted her bridal style as when entered the hotel. I chuckled fondly, "what does it look like? I'm carrying my wife to her room." "People are looking at us..." She blushed sheepishly and buried her face in the material of my tux. I laughed again at her cuteness and grinned at my sweet wife.

Even after everything she hadn't changed, not where it counted. "You, are adorable."

Emma's POV

Will placed me gently on the bed, so carefully and with such grace that I found myself gazing up at him lovingly, lip caught between teeth, as hopelessly in love as I had been the first time he saw me in a glossy white dress. "You're so beautiful." Will sighed happily, caressing my cheek gently with his strong hand.

He smirked with a sudden change of tone; "I didn't step on your trail." I laughed, "The priest still cried, though." "Must've seen Kurt's outfit." He joked childishly and I slapped his arm playfully, he grinned with a mocking wince and I smiled again. "I thought he looked nice." "He was wearing a skirt, Emma." I giggled at the truth in his words and nodded, "yes, yes he was." "I'd have been disappointed if he wasn't, though." Will remarked with a grin, a flawless smile that was so wonderfully lopsided I found myself silent, and in love with the moment, the light that had disappeared as he spoke, and the colour that never mattered when we were together.

I found myself forgetting all the names that only moments ago had seemed so important and only knowing two; Will and Emma, Emma and Will. Pillsbury or Shuester, it had never mattered; I'd always been his, even when disguised by another name, even when his was shared with another; I'd always been his.

Our bonds were tighter than wedding ties; we were family. And just like that, I knew we always had been, always would be. Because we have the kind of love that's hard to find, close to impossible to keep; because the greatest of things come with a worthy price. But we'd made it through, and now we had forever to bask I the result of tireless trying.

What was left, was little more that countless moments of black and white; of colourlessness silence and the kind of beauty only lovers can treasure; blissful moments divided by years of marriage, and into a life shared by two, finally and forever; Will and Emma were eternally born.

**Wow, that was a lot longer than I planned! Sorry for my rambling, but I hope you liked it anyway. **_**:)**_** I probably won't be updating for a week or so because I'm still writing Misplaced Moments and the (long overdue) epilogue to Falling, but if you have any ideas you'd like to see in rambling form let me know and I'll write you a chapter! You can either send me a PM, a message on tumblr, (my tumblr is on my profile), or let me know in a review. Thanks for reading and don't forget to let me know what you think! **_**:)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is a prompt from Moonbike: "What if Emma didn't run away after Rocky Horror?" Thanks for the prompt! And thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter, you guys are the best! I hope you like this chapter! _:)_**

_Some things are so similar they may be confused as identical. But no matter how testing the question scarlet is not crimson and rain is not simply saddening. Light is not the only source or blinding and pain is not just caused by injury. When you spend too long crying over something long past fixable you realize it's barely broken; somehow it's okay for the truth to be something unfamiliar. _

_Sometimes you realize you've lost before you knew the game had even begun. Sometimes the difference between hopelessness and hope is little more than belief; little more than smiling at the light that could be seen as insightful and the rain that gives life as well as coldness. _

_The difference between heat and warmth is one often misunderstood, although always so very important, almost never recognized, something the worthy often misunderstand has only ever wanted acceptance. The adoration that comes with warmth and the passion that comes with heat. You might as well be blind if you refuse to see, might as well be alone if you remain lonely forever, and if you see only rain in the coldness, and clouds on a starless night, believe you deserve to see such unquestionable beauty; believe you deserve to be less than what you expect of yourself; more than what you've long since decided was right and proper; more than something easy._

_Be everything you wish you were but never trusted you could be; more than l one word could describe, something rare and wonderful, be blinding, be broken, be judged if you must, but always, always, know you're better than that. Find the kind of adoration you don't feel you deserve and capture it in your cold hands, treasure it, cherish it, enjoy it because you deserve to, always know you're worth more than just heat; you shine brighter than a mere gentle glow, and of the frightening warmth of an eternal sun. Cherish the warmth, before the flame flickers to nothing, before the fire is out and you're left with bitter coldness._

I was barely myself; it's as simple as that. Because there's no way I could be described as even remotely me, not acting the way I was; it's not possible. I mean really, at what point did I become the kind of person who ignores consequences, who puts other people's feelings last and forgets everything she's spent so long fighting for? When did I suddenly change so rapidly? And how can I get back to being the kind of person I can be proud of? How can I be me again?

Maybe fearlessness isn't everything, or maybe what I think of myself is more important than what strangers think; maybe the sooner I realize that and start living the better, or maybe I'll always be afraid. Maybe I'll always be less than I wish I was.

What if I was simply me? And not anyone easier than her?

The air was more than just warm, the lights were brighter than the serene light of the sun; they were blinding, piercing, and I was possession to their shadow, a prisoner more than a star, too bright for even myself to stand. I wanted cold rain and lukewarm safety; I needed more than heated stares and suffocating thick air. I needed to breathe, but I was trapped, and it was my move.

His hands were hot on my skin, burning through layers of cotton and frigid denial as if they were never there, and I was exposed. Praying for acceptance and not judgment, but doubting I would be so lucky.

It was me who controlled his weak arms, it was me who clawed his flesh hungrily, it was me who ripped shirt from hot skin; it was all me, undeniably and unforgettably- I wished I could forget.

Somehow there was no fear, only the shockingly warming feeling of power; it was me, it was all me; I was the reason for Will's gasped breaths; the hot moisture on his hands was due to my actions. He _wanted_ me. I'd never felt like that; wanted, desired. And I was tired of being innocent Emma, of being "cute" and "sweet", but never anything more. Now I was, finally more than who I was expected to be; fiery, passionate, uncontrollable, desired Emma, who'd made Will Shuester _want_,and it wasn't unclean or frightening, it didn't make me want to run or hide, it made me feel more alive than I ever had; carefree and empowered, finally deserving of the kind of love I'd longed to find. Until the music stopped and I was weak and needing.

His breath was hot, not warm, not loving, but wanton, hotter than fire, but not warm; never warm. His eyes were black with lust; not blue, not deep and adoring, but suffocating, captivating; black. His breaths were short, rasping pants, like he'd just run a marathon. He'd barely moved. He was close, too close, and not close enough. He was shirtless; practically naked, but too concealed. I wanted more.

His lips hovered over mine, our breaths mingled. Too hot. Too cold. _Kiss me. Run. Do something. Move. Don't go... _

"Emma..." He sighed a plea. _Kiss me. Run. Do something. Move. Don't go... _I gasped, so trapped, the room was suddenly huge, suddenly too small. He'd never been so close; I'd never been so desperate. Our breaths were mingling, I could practically taste him, feel him. Almost wasn't enough. Maybe if I'd thought about it I would've acted differently, but the thing about mistakes is that you don't think, a lot of the time mistakes are just what you need, but aren't strong enough to admit. I captured his mouth with mine, weakly, needily, desperately and coldly.

He gasped, I sighed. His arms caught my falling body, I let him. My hands were suddenly pointless, I wanted to touch him, but I wasn't sure how. His hands were fearless, desperate and loving. His lips adored mine, hands warm on my back, so tender, so gentle; denying his lips power, heat or warmth, I wasn't so sure anymore.

I felt a cold warmth on my skin and realized it was tears- my tears. It was the reason he pulled away; it was always my fault. They were blue again. His eyes I mean. I doubted they'd ever been anything less than completely adoring. I doubted I'd ever be more than completely undeserving. Will sighed sadly. "Why do we do this to ourselves Emma?" I opened my mouth helplessly, but realized I had nothing to say. I was so ashamed. I looked away, unable to face such kindness, what when I deserved nothing, less than nothing. "Emma... Emma, look at me, please..." Will reached out to touch my shoulder, I flinched away without thinking, his wounded expression said it all. I met his gaze with my unsteady one and my heart melted under the warmth of his stare. When he reached for me again I didn't smile like I was fine, or run from the pain, I didn't lie or pretend. For the first time, I gave in. I cried because I was tired, and because my heart was breaking. It was simple, finally and at last I gave in, but not up; never up.

"Oh Emma... Come here..." Will murmured tenderly. I fell willingly into his embrace. Burying myself in his loving warmth, sobbing harshly as he stroked my hair and hushed me like a small child. He rocked me gently until my helpless cries withered to desperate whimpers. With a tenderness we couldn't deny he brushed the hair from my eyes when I finally pulled away with a small smile of thanks, he nodded in understanding before kissing my forehead softly, as he had many times before, and would a hundred times after; because he'd always be mine and I'd always be his. Denial a forgotten dust, a final tear fell when he touched me so warmly. "Will... I..." I whispered softly, unable to speak louder than gently. "You don't need to say anything, Em, it's okay." I sniffed and nodded weakly, attempting to straighten my clothes and smooth my hair into place.

After a moment of attempted composure I spoke. "I'm sorry about... Uhm... That..." Will shook his head with a mild chuckle, "I told you, you don't need to apologize for anything, this was completely my fault, I'm the one who should be sorry... I asked you to help me practice and that was probably a mistake." _Was it? _"... I know I ruined everything, but, I don't know... I guess I'm just not ready to admit it's over."

My posture lost its strength, my weak smile gained meaning and I moved closer. "Wha- what are you doing?" Will asked, expression was written in shock as I closed the distance between us. "What does it look like?" I murmured softly, eyes set on my unknowing target.

"Emma I don't think this is a good idea..." Will took a step back, hands in the air, he signaled surrender. I stopped abruptly, completely hurt, totally rejected. "Why? Why?! Why do I always have to do everything right?! Why can't I just do what _feels_ right for once?! Is it so wrong to want something more?!" My hands were frantic in the air, clawing the emptiness angrily, wishing there was more. My voice was high, too high; it had risen more than just one octave; maybe more than two. I didn't notice when the sound echoed bleak silence; I didn't care about anything other than the way Will's eyes bore into mine, nothing else mattered but the memory of how perfectly our lips molded together, how wonderfully light I felt in his strong arms.

Was he that close a moment ago? Had his stare always been so... Hot? So deep and passionate? The intensity of his eyes made me burn, more than blue, more than black, with Will there'd always be something more; even when it was easier for there to be less.

We weren't flawless, not together, not apart. But it didn't matter, not when neither of us cared.

"Please..." I begged, I don't know what for, but Will did. His lips were on mine instantly, I hoped his speed was due to desperation; because he simply must have me. But guessed it was because he was afraid I would try to push him away, like I had so many times before. I wouldn't have.

It was raw, almost animalistic the way his lips claimed mine. And I sunk into his warmth blissfully; drank in the heat that wasn't as scary as I thought, and for once I forgot. I forgot the pain and the darkness drifted, de-coloured, until it was an off whitish colour far from plain. I was captivated by the explosion of ecstasy that was more than words; the love that poured from Will's lips lit my eyes with the first light they'd never seen so clearly. It was Will who pulled away; he never pulled away.

"Wh- why did you stop?" "Because we can't do this." Will nodded, surely, emotionless and expressionless. "Because of Carl..." It was a statement more than a question, and whispered so sadly; maybe it was my fault after all. My eyes avoided his, as they always had. "No. Because you're vulnerable, because you deserve more than this- more than a mistake you can never take back." All I heard was "no." No. No. No. "Don't lie to me, Will. Just tell me: why don't you want me?" Will shook his head in denial. His arms twitched towards my body but he retracted them before he could give in completely. I begged hopelessly, "I can change, I can, I can be more, I can be so much better..." Crumbling forcefully, my walls fell as if they were never there. As if everything I thought I was had never existed, and suddenly I was someone lifeless without another. I'd never been so reliant; I'd never even thought of having someone or even pondered the possibility of love, not for someone like me. For a moment I thought maybe I was wrong; I thought maybe I didn't have to be alone forever, I thought there was something more, like I,was something more, and I just didn't see it. But Will did, and I'd pushed him away, because I was scared he'd hurt me when I let my shields down.

"Emma, honey... Emma, look at me", my mournful eyes met his, just barley, but still. "Don't say that, don't ever say that... Of course I want you, I really do... It's just that..." I finished his sentence when he wouldn't: "you think I'm crazy, don't you? You don't want me because I'm not good enough, because I'm not pretty like Terri or April or Shelby, because I can't give you want they can..." Tears threatened to fall, and I prayed to keep just a tiny bit of dignity, just a small shred of pride to keep me standing. But it was already gone; I'd already lost, or won. "Emma... Please, please, calm down... Think about what you're saying." Will's rationality was wasted on my hopeless state. "I _am_ calm; I'm perfectly calm. You're the one who's being unfair. All _I _want is to understand; all I want if for you to stop lying to me." My voice wobbled, cracking deceivingly; too high for sanity. "I'm not lying, Emma." Will responded evenly. I scoffed sarcastically, "right, of course not, because you'd never lie." I remembered how my hero saved me and broke my heart within a few months of failed hopefulness. "Why is it so hard for you to understand that I want you Emma?" Will's eyes were soft; so tender, so loving, somehow burning. "Why would you?" My voice was suddenly quite, suddenly mild and weak; lifeless.

His hands captured mine softly, gently. My hands felt so small in his large ones; so dependant and fragile. Why couldn't he be anything less than wonderful? Why couldn't I be anything more than awful? "There's no way I could explain to you what you mean to me. I hoped I'd get to show you someday, but I guess that'll never happen now..." Will sighed sadly, lovingly, somehow, and looked away, consumed by thought. "Sit with me?" I nodded meekly, because it was all I could do, and let him lead me to his old wooden desk. "Seeing as you've already cleared it for us..." He winked cheekily, trying to lighten the mood. He smiling slightly at the scarlet blush that tinted my cheeks at his words. And he patted the space by his side sweetly. I bit my lip shyly, suddenly aware of my appearance; I must look awful; my hair was a disheveled mess, my blouse crumpled and make-up long past faded. I sat carefully by his side, straightening my clothes self-consciously. "You look lovely tonight..." My eyes widened with surprise, my blush deepened, "I mean, you always look beautiful, but tonight... I don't know... Something's different tonight." Will's eyes seemed to drift for a moment; they seemed to darken with an unfamiliar light- a blinding darkness. I swallowed, eyes set on his. "I'm sorry I did this, all of it. I'm so sorry for everything, Emma." Will ran a hand through his matted curls. 000Shaking his head as if it'd somehow make the past disappear. "I never meant to hurt you... I just... I got so scared it was all happening too fast, and I needed everything to make sense again; everything used to be so simple and clear, and for a while there I wasn't sure of anything, except you. And I didn't want to have to do that to you; to lean on you so completely that if I fell I'd take you with me. And I wasn't ready to be your everything, I wasn't ready to be so important, I couldn't take the responsibility of evening so close to hurting the one person who mattered the most. I didn't want to screw up again... I guess I got so scared that I'd lose you that I almost wanted to, before I loved you more. I just couldn't lose again... So I ended up ruining everything, trying to find out who I am, and all found out is that I don't want anyone but you, not ever. I love you so much, Em... I'm truly sorry I hurt you... And that I realized too late it didn't have to make sense, it didn't have to be perfect or even how I'd imagined it, because finally, I'd found you; this amazing, wonderful person who made me forget everything else. You saved me, you rescued me when I was so lost... And in the end I just needed to be close to you again... When I'm around you I kind of lose track of everything else and you're the only thing that matters... Sometimes all I know is that I need you, like I've never needed anyone." _He needs me. He loves me. I-I... _My eyes tested his, searching for a hint of fakery, but they found nothing more than truth. "Say it again." My lowly whispered response fell silent on the room, barely audible but blazingly apparent. "Emma..." His eyes met mine and I nearly fell from the force. It was time to give in at last, truly and completely. It was time to fall like I had a thousand times before.

I begged with my eyes. And with words that had lost meaning long ago. "Please... Please..." Weakness, surrender; finally I didn't care; finally I cared too much. "Don't make a mistake; don't do something you'll regret..." Will pleaded me, I knew he'd brake instantly; he wanted me as much as I wanted him. When he turned to me again I realized it was over for us both. We were ready to make mistakes, because we tired of trying too hard, when nothing was surer than us. His eyes bore into mine, fearlessly, freeing passion and pain with smoldering beauty. I couldn't breathe. He gave in; he finally made a perfect mistake. "I need you." "I want you, I love yo-" he never finished that sentence, my mouth claimed his with a force I didn't realized I possessed. With a warmth that was never truly gone, with an adoration I couldn't deny. All because I needed him, because I simply must have him, because I was desired and because, above all else; I wanted him endlessly.

"_God Emma_..." I gasped in shock; every touch, every look, every sigh, every whisper of adoration, was too much, and not enough; it was everything I needed and less. My skin burnt from where he'd touched me. Too bright, too dark, too hot, too cold, too much, not enough.

"Emma..." "Will...? "Emma..." "Emma?" Emma?!" "Carl?" The voice I heard wasn't soft, it wasn't gentle, it wasn't loving; it wasn't Will's. His eyes weren't blue, they weren't light or bright, they were black, dark and hopeless; cold. It wasn't warm; it was burning, searing, withering into nothing.

"Emma? Emma? Hello? Anyone there?" Carl shook his head disapprovingly, rolling brown eyes in frustration. "Sorry, sorry... What did you say?" Carl eyed me suspiciously, "is everything okay?" "O-of course, why wouldn't it be?" I stuttered uncertainty, "No reason..."

For a moment silence be the only sound and I returned my gaze to the meal before me what I hoped was guiltlessly. "I was wondering... How is everything with Shuester?" Cutlery fell from my grasp, breaking the silence instantly, destroying the safety of wordlessness with a loud clatter. My eyes widened, feigned innocence at its strongest. "Oops, let me get that for you." Carl reached for the carelessly littered silverware, and with little more than a swift wipe on his napkin, returned it to my side. I eyed the fork gingerly, licking my lips anxiously as my brow furrowed; did he not know me at all? "Did you think he seemed a bit off when I said I'd do rocky horror with the kids?" I shook my head violently; a loss for words. "Maybe it was just me then... So he hasn't said anything to you at all?" He asked innocently, expertly spearing his chicken as he spoke, somehow even the way he ate was charming, verging on annoying; because for some reason everything he did was perfect, too perfect, too much and not of the right thing. "N-no, no he hasn't. Wh-why would he?" I lied truthfully, unable to stop the deceiving blush that crept upon my cheeks as I spoke, simply at the memory, taunting the virginal innocence of my previously pale completion. "Emma... What aren't you telling me?" loving _passion, lusting adoration. Stolen kisses on someone taken, someone lost and someone found, hopeful denial eternally unbound. Betrayal and loyalty, heart broken heart mended, promises never again pretended. _His eyes were serious, trusting somehow. "Carl, I..." He trusted too much, I didn't deserve his trust. "Carl I'm so sorry, I-I..." He prompted me silently, eyes uncaring, and too caring. "I-I made a mistake..."

**So... There you have it! I hope you enjoyed it; I'd love to hear what you think! _:)_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi, sorry this has taken so long to get here! Because you guys asked for it this is a second part to last chapter, the "what if Emma didn't run out of rocky horror prompt." I hope you like it! **

Emma's POV

"I-I made a mistake..." My bitter whisper cut the safety of my lies brutally, harshly. Suddenly and finally.

_"I have no regrets." I whispered softly, how was it we were so close again, how was it I remained standing through my defeat? I felt the air of his words flutter from his mouth every time he spoke; it was magic, I doubted he felt the same way. _

_Surely this wasn't normal, surely this wasn't love, not this intense, not this pure; no, it was something much more wonderful. "Me neither." I couldn't help the smile that graced my lips upon his response, even if I expected no less; even if knew he'd always be something more. _

_He could kill me with the intensity or his stare. Somehow I was prisoner to his eyes; somehow all I could think about when he grinned was forever. Somehow I fell deeper with every smile; I was safer than ever drowning in his love._

Carl's eyes remained unblinking; interested but not fearful. He let a soft hand capture mine comfortingly. I felt sick. Resisting the urge to pull my hand from his grasp I carried on; "the reason I was so late tonight was because... I was with Will."

_Stolen kisses on someone taken._

Only Will should touch my hand, ever. Only Will should love me; only he ever will.

_"You're mine forever?" _

_"And ever and ever." _

Spoken and unspoken; you'll be mine and I'll be yours.

He dropped my hand suddenly, like it was on fire, and he couldn't bare to touch me. I was ashamed to be glad.

_"Longer than forever." _

I was appalled to feel no regret, it was inhumane, insane, but I wasn't in control anymore. It wasn't a choice; I was in love.

_"I wish I didn't have to go..." With every look my heart melted further. My will power faded and I was blissfully selfish. "Then stay?" His fingertips brushed mine softly, somehow a thousand sparks flew at the little contact. My eyes met a lopsided grin and twinkling blue eyes; the choice was easy._

"What happened?" Unmoving lips, hopelessly even, lifeless brown eyes. "Carl..."

_"I'll never leave you again."_

"I think I should leave." Carl made no attempt to stop me; his eyes remained glued to the table before us and the meal he'd prepared so kindly. I rushed to collect my coat, almost tripping in my haste. "You love him." His voice was hollow, flat, even. I turned slowly, before nodding less that surely, more that surely.

"Do I even want to know what happened?" He asked meekly. I blushed awkwardly, cursing my defenselessness. "Did you two...?" His sentence hung lifeless in the air, frozen where he'd left it. "What?! No... No. No!" I shook my head violently.

_If we didn't stop I'd burst into flames, that much was certain. Normally I'd be embarrassed; usually I'd be ashamed of my scarlet cheeks, and my heart beating so loudly he must've heard the disjointed sound in the swirling silence. He was the cause of such deafening crimson, such blinding echoes of emotion; he'd fixed my broken heart and set it beating rapidly. _

_"Emma we need to slow down. As much as I really don't want to stop we need to think about what we're doing. I don't think I could bare it if you said you only wanted me tonight and tomorrow you pretended this never happened. I don't think forever will be long enough but I'm willing to settle if you promise me you'll love me until the end." Will's hands were on mine in an instant, he squeezed them lovingly, adoration pouring from his very essence. _

_He was so honest and fearless; he was nothing but truthful, and in my frightful state I trusted his love. "I loved you from the beginning." I whispered finally. _

_Hopeful denial eternally unbound. _

_The honestly was undeniable, unquestionable. My words bleed with sweetness. His lips fell to mine again, confirming our promise with a thousand adoring kisses on my welcoming flesh. I sighed helplessly in his arms. Only his._

_"I think we should take things slow, until you sort things out with Carl at least. I want this to be perfect, no regrets Em, and like you said we've got forever at our fingertips... I want to treat you right; I'll never hurt you again." _

_Heartbroken, heart mended_.

_From now on I'm going to love you the way you deserve." His thumb stroked mine softly, lovingly, and I smiled blissfully. That sounded perfect. He took my speechless silence as an invitation to continue. "Maybe we could go back to mine? We could get some wine, and, I don't know... watch Armageddon?" Will laughed at my horror stricken expression and sighed happily when I smiled at the irreplaceable chuckle that left his lips. Somehow I found my voice. Somehow I found everything I'd ever wanted in his warm eyes. "That sounds perfect." _

"No… But if I wasn't with you… Then maybe… I've never felt like that before…" I couldn't bare to meet his eyes. Not when I was anything but innocent, not when I was the cause of any pain I might find there.

I waited for the anger, for the rage and the fire. But there was none. Heatlessness for a non-existent flame. Carl nodded, as if he understood; as if he could possibly understand. "If you love him then you should be with him, I don't want to get in the way of that. Sure I'll miss you... But, I'll see you at your next appointment." He smiled kindly, gently, warmly but not heatedly. And never both; never everything at once. After a moment of consideration I spoke with a genuine smile, "you'll meet someone who makes you feel how Will makes me feel one day, I'm sorry it can't be me... But you really are amazing Carl. Thank you." He nodded contently before raising his eyebrows teasingly, "what are you doing standing here talking to me? Go, before he misses you." I smiled thankfully before rushing for the door, sending Carl a final wave before I left.

_Never again pretended._

I always thought mistakes were accidents, unintentional, regretted; totally and completely. But if I was mistaken, why wasn't I remorseful? I was guilty, terribly so, but not regretful, hopeful when I should've been hopeless. Because the adoration I'd always desired was found somewhere distantly close; in eyes that always were the meaning of warmth.

Will's POV

The world doesn't usually, in one moment, change to something wonderful; not in reality. But it did. In a second my life changed; because she loved me. That's why when she appeared in my doorway long into the night I thought she was a ghost of my past; dressed in an emerald green coat, a simple white beret sat gracefully on her bowed head, pretty features were framed with an expensive golden red. Her wide eyes met mine through thick black lashes, and she smiled shyly, even after all this time, and bit her lip sweetly in a stance too adorable to deny.

"Hi..." I breathed, "Hi..." Emma released her lip for a moment, just for long enough to speak, before capturing it again with a careful smile, her cheeks flushed crimson; I was staring. I couldn't help myself, I wasn't making my own choices anymore, I wasn't in control of my actions, or my words; I was in love, and I just didn't care anymore; I cared too much.  
"Sorry... I just... I..." I sighed warmly, "It's just that... You look... Indescribable..." I laughed at my own hopelessness. Emma shook her head, speechless, disbelieving, "I don't know what to say..." She giggled lightly, lifting the butterflies that consumed my flesh with a gentle breeze. I beamed at the memory of my best friend who'd promised me her heart, her love; forever. Finally.  
I sighed hopelessly, helplessly exposed, uncaring and too caring. "I love you." I wish I had more to give her, other than words misused and overused; underused. I caressed a strand of perfectly placed auburn silk, admiring its delicacy with the whisper of adoration. I pulled my hand away regretfully. "I love you too, so much." She shook her head softly, as if she couldn't quite believe her luck; couldn't believe the ever long truth. Tiny locks of meticulous, gentle hair fell from its place and I fought the urge to run my fingers through the soft, tempting, wisps of red. Replying with only a grin, we'd hardy said a word, only three, only more. Somehow they'd said everything and nothing. Somehow they weren't enough and were everything I wanted them to be.

Just her words, just her smile, and I was dreaming, perfect, and flawed, with a timeless smile of a year before, reborn, but finally ready to be cherished. Finally sure, finally always knowing that it would come back to this; to where it had all began; with accidents and regret, with a future we knew was waiting. With love we were finally ready to treasure. With a white beret and an emerald green coat, even with eyes aged by a year and a lifetime, we were as we always had been; simply in love, simply more than just that. Promises of forever were whispered in no words I knew, but words I'll come to love, and to think of as ours, as they always were; right from the start.

Emma thanked me oddly sincerely when I cleaned the already sparkling glasses thoroughly before filling them both. She smiled warmly when I brought her a drink, I thought maybe I'd seen her blush when our hands touched, and smirked with self-importance at the crimson that touched her delicate features. Without a prompt she shook her head and spoke, "I spent so long afraid of how I felt that I never admitted it, the only curse was hiding from the magic I didn't understand. I didn't trust; now I don't have a choice. It's nice to finally feel decided, even if it's not safe because I know there's no choice now. I'm yours and you're mine..." I wondered if she'd practiced the words in her head a hundred times before reciting them. A small part of me hoped she did; that she thought I deserved a perfect explanation, and another prayed she was comfortable being nothing but truthful around me, and was fearless to speak whatever flawed explanation I didn't deserve straight from her heart. "I never meant to fall in love with you." She ended sureness with uncertainty. Her expressive eyes strangely, unreadable. Somehow after all this time there was fear. I was oddly proud to cause such a thing; fear so captivating could only mean there was enough to lose.

"So it's a mistake." I asked in confusion, in almost fear, I fought the urge to grasp her gently before she ran. _I'll never run from you again. _Her eyes spoke silent words I somehow believed.

"The best I ever made." Her grin was true, unmeasured and perfect. Her form was sure; fearless; she wasn't going anywhere. I attempted to hide a crooked grin, wondering if she'd always have the same effect on me; if I'd always be so judging of myself in her incomparable shadow. And then I realized I would be, in ten years from now, and in twenty, just as she'd always bite her lip with a shy blush at my honest words, or how the silence would remain shattered by yearning stares, even when we had everything and nothing to yearn for. It seemed silly to speak when we had nothing to say. But we knew we had to try, because words had never been enough, and they never would be. Not suddenly and not finally. Be we spoke them all the same, because it was all we could do, and all we had that could even pretend to describe everything and nothing.

Emma's POV

That was the night forever began. Truths were shared between two people trapped by lies. Promises were made and remade and tears long since born were shed. That night we agreed to make Wednesday our official date night, we promised that nothing would ever get in the way of us again.

That night his breath was hot, warm, loving, wanton, hotter than fire, yet still warm; forever warm. His eyes were navy with lust. Blue; deep and adoring, but suffocating, captivating- black. His breaths were short, rasping pants, like he'd just run a marathon. He'd barely moved. He was close, too close, and not close enough. I realized he never be close enough. I realized I'd always wanted more, and always would.

That night he held me while it rained. That night I was warm in the deepest of winters. And as the light faded, and the sun lost its shine to another, I stayed glowing, and radiant, in his eyes at least; somehow as perfect and flawed as I always had been. But for the first time I saw it. I saw the rain, and the sun and the cold and the warmth. And I saw them with eyes aged by a hundred years and a thousand.

I spoke a truth I'd recited a hundred times, because I knew Will was deserving. And in the end, when I'd finished and they meant everything they could say, eyes remained hot, and warm, and loving and suffocating. Will remained everything I had always been; more than one word could describe. That night Will loved me for everything I am and always have been; and for the first time I was thankful for every word that's ever been used to describe me; because Will loves them all, and I love him. That night we shared every word, and every phrase, I'd ever used to describe Will. And he laughed and smiled and grinned like a teenage boy with a crush.

That night I wasn't scared. I was free, and worthy. I was glad Will was shirtless; practically naked, but still too concealed. I wanted more and I knew at last, that finally and forever, there would always be more.

**I love reading your reviews so please leave me one, and if you have a prompt let me know and I'll write it! Thank you to those of you who review, it really helps me write and it means a lot that you take the time to say hi! Thanks for reading! _:) _**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it took so long! This is another prompt from MoonBike: "what if Emma told Will she loved him before he left for broadway."… I hope you like it!**

Every now and again there comes a moment that will define us; change our fate and the way we are seen forever. Occasionally there are moments of self definition that are random and unexpected and yet waiting to happen. Sometimes you spend so long holding your breath, praying for strength; for a reason to be, that your gasp; a deep, needy breath that fills you with life, and shatters your ignorance, as you slowly realise the sweet taste of purity is something you've avoided for one day too long. You're defined, and decided, and somehow more alive than you've ever been; gasping for something so beautiful and so desperately overdue, that you wonder why you spent so long pretending you were strong enough to die; on the edge of your end, you realise you've never truly lived at all. You hope that you'll be remembered as someone more than just one moment; as someone who lived for long enough to be more than just the last breath.

"Don't be a stranger, okay?" I smiled weakly, pretending my eyes glittered with hope and not sadness with gentle words and overused phrases that meant more than they were.

Will nodded sadly, his eyes testing and yet so dependant. Waiting for a sign I would break, and give in, but I was doing this for him.

My lips were on the corner of his mouth before I could rethink the loving action. I flushed with warmth at the touch, heat that started at my lips and had captured my whole body in a second was hard to deny. My lips lingered on his flesh for a moment too long for a decided friendship. But we weren't decided, and I didn't want to think. I just needed to remember how he felt; I needed to feel him one last time before I lost him forever. Because I knew I'd regret it if I didn't; I needed the memory to cherish, a small reminiscence of what I could've had; of what is lost; I'd remember him on lonely nights as I cried in the darkness. So I couldn't help but think _"you missed"_ as my lips grazed the edge of perfection. I could so easily find his lips beneath mine; it would be so easy to give in; but I couldn't

"Thank you." His eyes followed mine and I forced a small smile, would it be so hard to give in one last time? For the first time? I nodded when I was lost for words and opened my mouth before I could think. I could've left then; I could've left and never looked back. But I didn't.

"I wanted to tell you something... Before it's too late... I mean... It's kind of late now really... Not in the day, I mean... Because it only 4:30... But it's late I-in our relationship... Not that we're in a relationship bu-" I stuttered nervously, eyes focused on the shine emitted from my pretty shoes, and a smudge of grime I'd found by my foot; on the less that sparkling flooring, in the less than idyllic setting. My brow furrowed in discomfort and I glared at the dirt with a mixture of anxiety and pain; as if the small speck of imperfection was the very cause of my unhappiness.

"I'll miss you when I'm in New York." Will cut me off before I could finish, honestly sharing the words I'd feared for days, in a few seconds, and my head shot so I could meet his eyes with my unsteady stare. I swallowed nervously. _"Me too."_ I could've said that, so easily, and it would've been so simple. An understatement, but true at least.

"I love you." The words tumbled from my mouth effortlessly, bitter sweetly.

"Emma..." I cut him off as he'd cut me off just moments ago. "Always have, always will... I'm so sorry. I just had to say it before you left... I couldn't never see you again knowing I never admitted how I felt about you... I'm so sorry it's taken me so long but I-" I froze when I noticed Will looking at me so intently. It wasn't just that he was looking at me; it was the way his eyes bore into mine so deeply, as if I was the air he needed to breath, as if he'd been denied life for so long and now here I was, as if somehow I was everything. I'd never been needed before.

"Say something." I whisper. His eyes searched mine for something I'll never know. He seemed to find whatever he was looking for so desperately: lingering on the surface.

"I've waited so long to hear you say that." His voice was emotionless, placid. Defying his eyes.

"I know I-"

"I've waited so long to find someone like you. I've waited for so long and here you are."

I nodded unsurely. What was so special about me? "Here I am... But Will I know that you're leaving and that's great, it really is. I just wanted to let you know that... I believe in you. I really think you can do anything you want... I just... didn't want to be a memory one day of your old life, or the thing that went wrong in a life you regret, and only remember when it's cold and dark and you're alone. I want to be at least that crazy girl who loved you when she shouldn't..." I laughed bitterly at the hopelessness of the situation, but Will's expression remained only too serious.

"You'll always be so much more than that Em."

I nodded evenly. Not really understanding but knowing it was probably easier that way.

"Just promise me one thing?" I asked with only a hint of hesitation.

"Anything" Will replied softly.

"Promise you'll never forget me?" I hated how desperate I sounded. But worse was the thought that one day Will would be in New York, with his countless awards, and stories of a life way too glamorous for a girl like me, and a wife more beautiful than any woman from Ohio, and he'd hear a name, and see the face of someone who'd never left the safety of a small town, and he'd see nothing more than the present. He'd think nothing of the periwinkle blouse his wife bought later that week; the soft material failed to bring with it the smell of sweetness and bitterness he couldn't help but miss, even when he didn't know what he was missing. He never thought to question why his clothes never matched hers, or why he felt like they should for some reason. Will would simply say "thanks" at the offering of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, without a thought to its taste and delicacy. He wondered why the bread felt wrong with its crust intact. A man so unrecognizable to even himself, that he wouldn't think anything of the familiar red-head he passed on the street, other that than the initial "do I know you?" That would be quickly disregarded for a mistake; maybe she looked like someone from a show he'd watched recently. Even the overpowering smell of hand sanitizer that followed the woman relentlessly wouldn't be enough to surface a memory or two. Chalk would remain for blackboards and not pale flesh, gently flushing to pink. I would remain a forgotten dream; a moment or two mistreated and abused, but never defining; never more than one moment or a breath he could live without.

"Never." He seemed certain enough.

"Just tell me something?" "Anything." My whispered response mirrored his own, the difference was mine was true.

"Why now? Why couldn't you have told me you love me yesterday, or last week? Just... why now?" The pain was evident in his expression; his eyes were blue with grief. Finally feeling; sadness; I'd hurt him, the timing was off, and so much wasn't how we'd imagined it, but I wanted to live for a change; I was tired of dreaming, it was time for the truth of my nightmares.

"Because... I was scared." "Scared." He repeated my understated description of every feeling that had caused such erratic actions. I was ashamed. In that moment, I couldn't meet his eyes. I couldn't be seen as less than perfect in the eyes of the one person who actually mattered.

"I was so scared, that, I'd finally be happy and then, just when I thought nothing could ruin it, everything would change. And I'd be alone. And for the first time I'd know what I was missing. And it would hurt just that little more, that tiny measurement that's like the short distance between living and dying. And I'd brake, just like that. In a moment, everything would be over." Will listened to my speech with emotionless eyes and an aliveness and a lifelessness, only Will could treasure in one second.

"And now? What about now?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded at the expected question. "Now... I'm still scared. But, I can't keep pretending anymore. I can't move on until I face this."

"Do you really want to move on?" His honest question caught me off guard. My mouth opened to whisper a plea, but my eyes widened to betray my lips.

"Will..." I breathed weakly. And gasped when he inched closer.

"Emma?" He mimicked my lifelessness whisper with a sureness and a fearlessness I wished I could share. His mouth only a sigh from my own. "No." I whimpered helplessly.

His eyes met mine for a moment that was too long and over too soon. "I don't want to move on."

"Good." His words were breathed onto my lips in a murmur too quiet for anyone but us. My eyes watched as his lips formed such beautiful words. And I breathed in his sent, his smile, his heat. Because I feared it'd be over too soon.

He moved away before I could utter a response, words or otherwise.

"Good?" I questioned when I'd captured enough air to speak.

"Good." Will confirmed with a certainty I couldn't place. "I've waited so long to find someone like you. I've waited for so long and here you are." Will repeated the earlier phrase with a small, knowing smile.

"Broadway will always be where it always has been. It's not something I need to look for or something I've ever really missed. I can live without Broadway. But I can't live without you. That's the difference. I need you like I need air and that's all that's ever been certain... I think what I'm trying to say is that I really have waited for forever to hear you say that you love me... And that's why I can't go to Broadway."

"What?! Of course you're going! You can't not go because of me! Will I can't be the reason you don't live your dream!" My voice rose in desperate betrayal. My eyes raged with the venom of a crazy person, and the adoration of a mystified lover.

"Don't you see? I love you Emma, and that means more to me than any show... And anyway, this is April's show we're talking about..."

I attempted to stifle the laugh that escaped my lips at Will's words. But as I pondered the truth in them I found myself weakening considerably. Will moved closer as he continued: "you don't need to be scared anymore Emma... I'm not going anywhere; not now, not ever." He grinned sincerely, stepping even closer as he took my hands in his. And as I treasured the feel of their strength and safety, I spoke honestly: "Why would you chose me, when you could have anything, anyone?"

"Because you're everything; everything I need, everything I want." I shook my head in confusion, not believing, never believing. "It doesn't have to make sense; you just need to believe it." He squeezed my hands tenderly, lovingly. His lips inched towards mine, casting a large shadow as his body enveloped mine, flushing further with every shaky breath.

"I love this on you..." Will admitted, tugging at the soft material of his grey vest that hung loosely on my small frame, as I giggled shyly, "thank you...", Will chuckled fondly, pulling me closer by the material of our first memory. But not our last. I gasped at the sudden contact, his hand secure on my waist; so strong, so safe. "it's been a year." Will breathed softly onto my desperate flesh. As I blushed sheepishly and brought my hands to the base of his muscular arms, afraid he might let go if I didn't hold on tightly.

"only that long? It feels like forever." I admitted with a weak smile, looking down sadly as I banished my hurtful thoughts.

"never again." Will shook his head strongly, decidedly.

I nodded slightly, unsure of how to respond, fighting the overwhelming urge to bury myself further in his warmth and never let go. But he denied me this; before I had the chance to give in he chose the path I didn't have the strength to make, at least not without a lifetime of regret. And without a hint of thought, he claimed my waiting lips, in a soft kiss. And as I sunk into his sweetness and depth. Pulling away I gasped on the air I was sure I could live without, and immersed myself in the beauty of his loving stare. I was sure he felt as far away as I did; dreamy, wistful; undefined and yet so decided. His eyes told me so at least, even when his lips spoke of strength and wisdom, I knew we had more to say.

I watched his expression transform to one of adoration and I smiled sweetly without the hint of bitterness I'd previously felt came so close to anything near to wonderful.

"Say it again?" Will muttered into my copper hair as he held me close. "I love you." I whispered sincerely, close to weeping in bliss. "I love you, I love you, I love you." I repeated the words again and again, as I grinned at how easily they tumbled from my mouth; as if they were always meant for Will, as I knew they always were. And as we pulled apart, Will replied with matching adoration and sincerity and a smile I knew was made just for me: "I love you too, so, so much."

I wondered what I'd ever done to get so lucky, because in that moment a year of mistakes didn't matter. It didn't matter that I had been defined and redefined by moment after moment of regretful denial, or that moments before I'd been lifeless and breathless. Because now I was safe and cherished and loved. Because I was finally discovering something I'd always known; something so decided and breathtaking and defining, that it had to be true; I was understatedly and unmistakably in love with William Schuester.

**So what did you think? Good? Bad? Ugly? Let me know what you think, even if you hated it I still want to hear from you- then I can get better! Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter, you guys are the best! **_**:)**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry I've been taking so long with my updating lately! Thanks for your reviews for last chapter! This is a filled prompt from iluvwillschuester: "what if Will called Emma instead of Sue in "blame it on the alcohol"?" Thanks for the prompt and your suggestions for this chapter! Enjoy! **_**:)**_

_It is said, that there is a someone for everyone. Even the most vile of creatures are loved by one similarly crude, or equally misunderstood. _

_In someone changed; someone grown and someone forgotten, it can be hard to remember the person they once were; a person so much like you; someone who loves and someone who cries. Someone vulnerable and someone scared. Someone who knows they can't hide anything from the person who knows them better than they do. And yet fears remain denied with pitiful pride. Smiles are welcomed because someone needs all the hope they can get. And admiration is reciprocated as if it's genuine and accusations are denied with feigned innocence so deep it could be true, but is simply practiced, eventually you'll discover flawlessness is a practiced art, one of lies and protection. _

_Someone above all else fears being forgotten; being mistaken for someone who can fix your broken heart with nothing more than his words. And when your past falls apart, and when your future looks worse yet, be sure to remember that they're not so strong; that no one is perfect- not even him. Not until now._

_Still no one can fix a heart so shattered that the mere unsteady beating causes fractures so painful you have to stifle a breath-taking cry. But everyone is someone loving and passionate; who makes mistakes and doesn't care that another is the same way._

_There will be one who will love them for every faulty detail they hate. And for every smile they love, and for every wink that makes someone's day and slowly heals a lifetime of pain, you know you're not so different after all._

Will's POV

I could see it in the way she smiled when he laughed, and giggled sweetly at his every arrogant quip, that she was in love.

I could see it in the way her eyes twinkled with sadness, and her lips fell straight in my presence, that I was no longer the object of her affection. Not even close. And I longed to see that familiar glow light her pretty eyes the way it always had. Now they were lifeless, hopeless, for me at least.

Somehow, I'd gone from being her savior; her prince, to a person she wished to forget, who emitted such sadness that if she wasn't such a kind and caring person, she would discard from her perfectly ordered, shiny new life. I was just too messy; not worth the trouble of someone so far from perfect, from orderly and understood; I was confusing and troubled, and not the idyllic imagining she had previously believed me to be.

For the first time it was her who was needed, and desired, and loved in a way that was suffocating and captivating and everything she had ever feared to desire and to need. She was terrified to rely so strongly on something uncontrollable.

We were both struggling, grasping for something unreal, something we'd imagined for so long, that it just wasn't true anymore; we'd made each other everything we needed so desperately...

So maybe it was safer that way; to be so far from touching, that we couldn't possibly get hurt by what wasn't there. But how could it be possible to be safe when I was so lost? I wasn't strong or brave; I was weak and needy and so hopelessly in love, that _I_ needed saving. I needed love and something to hold, something real and not flawless, but perfect; something beautiful and wonderful and more than I expected; I needed Emma.

Now I know I was wrong. Because there had always been Emma. Sweet, innocent, lovely Emma. With her crackling plastic gloves and her shy smiles and her meticulously arranged red curls. You see no matter what happened she never changed to me; she remained perfect through her mistakes, and her wonderful flaws, and every adorable quirk I know I shouldn't love.

Through troubles and lies she would remain mine. Nothing could define what was already decided. No amount of lies could change what had already been chosen. Because she would always be my Emma. The girl who laughed at my every quip. And who smiled blissfully when I laughed, as if I was worth her love, as if I was close to worthy of her absolute adoration. She gave me everything without a thought. But I wasn't _him;_ I wasn't perfect or anything close to a prince. But I am real, and I'll always love her, unconditionally; she'll always be my Cinderella.

Emma's POV

I wish he wouldn't look at me like that. All sad eyes and faded smiles. I prayed he'd smile one last time, the way he used to; boyish and hopeful and everything I love-loved that had somehow managed to shine through his signature lopsided grin. But he never did.

I suggested he started dating again. I thought maybe he might find someone who could make him laugh again.

He just looked defeated. I don't even know why I said it... The thought of Will dating makes me sick... The thought of him telling her _she's _adorable... Of him making her dinner and dancing in his living room... Driving to school in his ridiculous car with _her_ by his side... I bet she'd be beautiful. I bet she'd be fun and bubbly and everything Will deserves.

Somehow my dreams have been haunted by the image of them together. His arm around her shoulder adoringly, eyes trained on hers, taking in her beauty with such admiration.

When he was married I remember dreaming that he'd burst into my office one day, pull me into his arms and tell me he'd left his wife. The shell of a man I see now could hardly break through a door... He can't even meet my eyes without wincing. I don't think he'd care enough... I think maybe he has never cared enough. He's given up fighting for me... I'm not worth fighting for... I never was.

"Hey there sexy lady. There's something I really, really want to say to you. I love how you eat your lunch with your little plastic gloves and they crinkle and make the cutest sound I've ever heard in my life. Why don't you pick up some wine coolers and come over here and it'll be just one night of let's just get crazy, just get crazy, getting' really crazy, rollin' round in the hay. Hay... I was just in some hay earlier tonight and hey, I rode a bull. I was thinking of you." His words were drastically slurred; he was drunk.

Carl was on a conference call. I was completely alone. My condo suddenly seemed huge, and I felt so small.

"I'll see you in ten." My voice was brittle, pained. I told myself I was going over there to look after him; to make sure he didn't do anything too stupid. I wasn't so sure.

My cheeks were burning, my head was heavy. The world was spinning around me and somehow I remained immobile, suddenly dizzy and weak and feeling so much and not enough. I may have been dreaming. I don't know how long I sat there for, just staring into space, at some point I remembered to gasp the shaky breath that had been caught in my throat. Somehow I made my way to the door, stumbling as I went, grasping desperately for something to lean on. I don't know how I managed to drive in that state. But somehow I made it to Will's house.

I knocked on the door and I found myself mumbling my weak greeting when it opened, eyes absorbed in the cream carpet of his apartment hallway.

That's when I saw him. I mean really _saw_ him. His eyes blazed with a fire I hadn't seen in so long, I felt my knees weakening, my heart beating faster as his eyes met mine. My whole body was hot; I was as red as my hair.

He covered the space between as in a few purposeful strides. He wasn't scared. Not in the slightest. I was terrified. Not of him- never of Will. But of how I felt when he was around. Of the overwhelming feeling the flooded my body with warmth when he came close. And of how vulnerable I felt; of how unprotected and disorientated I was in that moment.

I attempted to form an excuse; a way out. Why had I come? His name left my lips in a whoosh of air. He was impossibly close; so close I couldn't run without colliding with his sturdy form.

"You're drunk." I stated matter-of-factly. His breath tasted like alcohol. How was it still as intoxicating as always?

"Drunk on you." Will wasn't a sweet talker. He'd never say that under normal circumstances. This wasn't normal circumstances. It was the drink talking, I tried to convince myself. It was hopeless, though. His words shouldn't have had the effect they did on me, but I found myself weakening further, seeing this Will inched closer, smiling somehow goofily, childishly, and enticingly, all at the same time. My eyes widened as his strong arms caught me, clutching the cotton covered skin of my arms gently, warmth spread from where we were connected. And I allowed my eyes to meet his. They were fuzzy, almost, as if with drunkenness, but I was sure there was more there. Something else altogether; love. I was sure.

I wanted to be angry at Will; this was so inappropriate. But I couldn't see anything past the uncertainty. My mind was oblivious to anything but the passion in his eyes.

Will moved my hands to rest on his arms, his fell to my hips, bringing me closer with a soft pull, and I fell flush against him.

His forehead pressed against mine so gently, and as our noses brushed together I took a sharp intake of breath. Will smirked at this; at the knowledge that I was helpless to his charm. Before I could pull away he grazed his lips against mine, so lightly, I could have imagined it. And as my eyes fluttered shut, and my hands gripped his arms tighter, Will remained still and strong.

"We shouldn't be doing this." I muttered softly. Pulling away before he could reach for me again. I took a few falling steps backwards, before raising my stare to meet Will's.

His expression radiated sadness, rejection shone in his eyes for a moment before sureness took over.

"Then why did you say I could come over?" Why did I?

"I... Um... I don't know..." I shook my head in confusion, wishing I had a better answer, or one that at least made sense; that I believed.

"I think you do, I think you know exactly why." He was getting closer again, but with slow, deliberate steps this time. I watched as he neared me with wide eyes. And stumbled when he got too close. Will chuckled bitterly, "will you always run from me? When are you going to admit that you still have feelings for me?" He spoke so softly it could've been to himself, but my mouth opened and closed all the same. Trying to force myself to lie; to tell him that I had no feelings for him; none at all. But I couldn't.

"That's what I thought." There was something about the pity in his eyes that changed everything.

"Do you know what Will?", my voice sounded too loud in the quiet room, defensive, almost; too high; I sounded like a crazy person. "I don't love you. Not one bit." I saw his face fall at my words. I could practically hear his heart tear in two as they crashed through the room. Suddenly I was cold.

"Will... I..." I stumbled towards him desperately. Clutching his arm as he fell to my couch. His eyes were faded, the fire was out and he couldn't even meet my eyes.

"What am I even doing?" Will muttered brokenly. Maybe he loved me after all.

My hand stroked his back in slow, warming circles. "I'm so sorry Emma." His face fell to his hands in defeat. And as his shoulders shook, and his eyes bled with tears, I thought maybe he wasn't so strong after all. Maybe he was in love.

Will's POV

She said she didn't love me. And for a moment I believed her. Until something changed my mind.

"Where's Carl anyway?" I found myself imagining Emma's condo; the living room a pale yellow colour, incredibly tidy- every surface was sparkling. Yet even in my mind there was something missing. Something huge I couldn't place. And it wasn't the smarmy dentist- he was perched comfortably on the plastic covered couch, tooth brush in hand.

"He's out of town on business." Emma smiled softly, and I tried to disguise my returning smile with a cough.

"I should really be going..." I mumbled.

Emma giggled sweetly and it was the most amazing sound I'd ever heard... Maybe better than the gloves...

"You live here, silly." Oh. I lifted my head in realisation. "Oh yeah!" And smiled adoringly at Emma. "You're so smart." That third shot of vodka was definitely playing back.

For a moment I thought I saw something flicker in her gorgeous eyes but before I could think anything of it she had averted her brown orbs from my loving gaze. "Let's get you to bed. It's late and you've got work tomorrow." Somehow we made it to my room, stumbling and tripping all the way. And Emma lowered me to my bed with surprising strength and hastily took off my shoes, before discarding them neatly in the floor. She left my room for a moment before returning with a glass of water and a tablet for the morning. She softly kissed my head goodnight and with a gentle whisper of "goodnight sleepyhead." Tiptoed from the dark room. I fell asleep almost instantly, awake for just long enough to watch as the last blur of colour faded from the emptiness.

I woke to a withering brightness. The sun was tired as it shone through my open window. And in a rush the night came back to me. I groaned, reaching for the tablets by my side, knocking the glass of water as I did so, my head throbbed harshly. It was going to be a long day.

I avoided Emma all day until I couldn't stop hiding anymore. She came into my office at lunchtime to find me hunched over a mountain of paperwork.

"Will." I looked up when I saw her. I took in her tired eyes; rimmed with darkness. And her mismatched hair; even with the evident time spent to keep her gentle curls in check, it still looked disorientated in the pale glow of my lamp. Her clothes were too bright for her pale skin, the joyful yellow mocking such sadness. I searched her eyes for a clue of how I should act. She just looked tired.

"We need to talk about last night." Emma spoke clearly, assertively, as if she'd spent hours deciding what to say, and it still came out sounding too rehearsed and just as broken.

"Talk about what?" Asked innocently, allowing my eyes to rest just above hers, but never quite meeting them. I searched the room for something to focus on, so I looked uninterested and not heartbroken. I stole a glance at the clock, before I remembered it was broken, since the incident a few months ago when a senior in my Spanish class thought it would be a clever idea to throw his shoe at it so it would move faster. He had no such luck. In fact time froze completely. At eleven fifty five, as if a curse was waiting to unravel; the magic ready to fade. But the clock never met twelve.

"Will..." Emma whispered softly. How could she be so calm?

Something changed within me then. With her serenity I lost every ounce of hope. And for the first time I was angry. "What, Emma? What's wrong? Hmm? What's so desperately wrong that you can't bare to leave it? When something like me telling you I love you is completely ignored?"

I thought I saw her eyes shine with sadness, gentle curls fell when she shook her head slowly, and she moved to tuck the misplaced strand in its practiced position. God she was so perfect.

"I'm sorry, Will." Emma whispered gently.

"You're sorry?! You're sorry?! What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Is it? What you just waltz in her all cool and breezy and now you want to talk about our problems all of a sudden? It that it? Well I don't think there's much to say, we both know what's going on here; I love you, more than anything, and you don't feel the same way. Which is fine. It's fine. You can't force yourself to feel the same way, just like I can't force myself to stop. Because we both know it's hopeless. But you know what? I don't care! I just don't care about what would be the proper think to do. I'm tired of being the good guy." Sadness was replaced with anger, and her cheeks matched her hair when her eyes snapped to mine.

"Is this you being the good guy? Is calling me at three am and inviting me to 'role around in the hay' being the good guy? Well is it?" Her hands flailed energetically; suddenly she was full of life. Even making dramatic hand gestures at my quote before she continued, when my shocked expression said I was listening.

"Have you ever thought about how hard this is for me, Em? How every time I see you with _him _myheart breaks? You have no idea what seeing you two together does to me!" I had no control over my voice; it was suddenly too loud, too angry.

"And when you were with Terri? How do you think I felt then? Happy? Happy to see the man I loved, who only saw me as a friend, so content with his perfect wife? I was so alone, Will. I thought I'd be like that forever. So don't ever say I don't understand what it feels like to be lonely, because I do, more than anyone..." My eyes widened in shock; I never knew she felt that way. Taking a trembling breath Emma continued after a moment of failed composure, her words were breathed softly, "and I do love you...That's- that's the hardest part. Because I can never stop loving you, no matter what. And I don't want to, I don't... I just...", her voice cracked deceivingly, broken like she was, "...I don't want to hurt anymore."

And just like that Cinderella transformed before my eyes. Her glittering dress turned to rags, ripped and worn. Her makeup faded and her youthful, glowing skin was naked and blushing. Her eyes shone with undisguised sadness, for the first time, heartbreak wasn't hidden behind half-smiles and stuttered words.

"Em... I..." I was so ashamed; how could I be so selfish?

"I broke up with Carl; I called him and told him I loved you."

My heart broke at the strained sob that managed to escape her pink lips before she rushed to muffle the sound of vulnerability with her small hands, but she couldn't stop the tears that cascaded down her cheeks, leaving a painful scar of sadness on her pretty, pale flesh. She looked smaller suddenly, tiny and scared and lost. Shaking uncontrollably as she cried.

She made no attempt to resist the moment I gathered her protectively into my arms to cradle her as she wept softly, tiny body trembling roughly in my arms, the room silent except from the sound of her muffled sobs and my whispered words of comfort. Her little hand gripped my blue vest harshly, her knuckles white with force; she'd never looked so fragile. My lips brushed the silky softness of her red hair, and I thought I might have heard her sigh under my touch.

Emma mumbled an apology when she pulled away timidly. Eyes red and puffy, hair mused and out of place. And more beautiful than ever.

"So what does that mean for us? I mean... Where do we go from here?" I hated prompting her when she was so disheveled, I didn't want to heighten her pain or discomfort further but I _needed_ to know.

"Your vest it's..."

"Don't worry Emma, it's fine, really." I insisted when I thought she spoke of the tear stains that marked the cotton fabric.

She shook her head tiredly and somehow animatedly. "No... It's not that... your vest… It's periwinkle." Emma's eyes were wide with disbelief, as if she'd just discovered something huge. I smiled in realisation, not quite understanding what the memory meant to Emma, but I remembered; I had trouble forgetting, just as she did. We weren't so different after all.

Emma continued after a moment of fragile silence. I decided maybe she'd thought this through for longer than just last night; I decided maybe she'd spend every lonely night imaging a prince who turned out to break her heart. I decided surely I'd spend every day of the rest of my life trying to fix it.

"You told me once that there's someone out there for everyone." I raised my eyebrows in question, in total awe, unsure of where she was going. But I hoped... Oh how I hoped.

"You'll always be perfect whatever you do... Because you'll always be that someone for me..." I grinned in sheer joy. Overcome with happiness at her words. She was _my_ someone; she always had been.

"...The someone who called me Cinderella and who wore a periwinkle vest that day now today..." I swallowed the lump that had been caught in my throat. Happy tears for the first the first time in a long time. God I was _so_ in love with her; with my Cinderella.

Her eyes met mine and I knew time would stop, the world would spin and there'd be nothing but light; bright, yellow, glowing. But I never thought the clock would be broken, and frozen for months before, or her clothes would be ironically bright, painfully so; beautifully so. I never thought the magic would be shattered to perfection.

Seems like perfect's not always what we think it is. Sometimes it's something much more beautiful; sometimes the timing is off, by exactly five minutes; sometimes everything's far from flawless. But always worth it.

"You'll always be my Prince Charming, Will."

**Thanks for reading; I'd love to hear what you think! **_**:)**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you so much for your reviews last chapter! That was more than I've had in a while, and I love to hear what you think so it was great to read them! Please keep on reviewing! This chapter is a prompt from iluvwillschuester: "what if Will told about Emma how he thought about committing suicide in his junior year." Thanks for the prompt! I hope you like it! **_**:)**_

There comes a time in every person's life that they're too numb to feel, too sad to cry and too lifeless to care. Every word they previously thought described sadness will be lost and nothing will amount to the kind of pain that destroys emotion. Not even a warming embrace will quench the need for love and hope in their heart because the kind of adoration they once had is gone forever.

There comes a time in every person's life that nothing will ever be the same again. In that moment, you truly know who you are. Are you a winner, or a loser? A believer or a quitter? Will your past destroy you? Or make you? It's your decision. Remember that. Remember that when it feels like there's nothing left. Remember nothing's so simple, and when the world feels so painfully transparent; remember there's always more. Remember there's always a choice; you always have a choice.

The wind screamed around me, ripping, tearing, tickling at my cold skin so seductively; cruelly. And when I looked down... I tried not to look down, but I did, for one bloodcurdling moment, I looked down. It was an eerie kind of beauty, the kind that leaves you breathless with fear and intimidation. And I couldn't help but wobble on the edge, gasping a little as I stumbled back. And then forward, and then back again.

It would be so quick. A lifetime for a second. So quick, and it would all be over. If I could just...

_Jump._

What was left? My brain was a mess of meaningless words and images. When had my life lost meaning? When did everything start to seem so pointless? Did I even matter? No. I didn't. Not yet, anyway. I hadn't _made_ myself matter yet. But I would, one day. If I lived long enough to. But I wasn't who I thought I was, I'd changed all if that in a second; in a moment of weakness, I'd ruined everything.

But I was so _small_. Just one person. Just one tiny, insignificant person in a million. So who would care if I just disappeared?

_She would._

"_William Schuester, 18, has been found dead after jumping from the roof of his school in Lima, Ohio." The last line had brought Emma back to reality. Carefully placing the book she had been reading on the counter she slowly walked closer to the TV. Her brown eyes widened as they took in the sight before her; sadness. Such desperate sadness. Men, women and children, all selflessly crying in bitter agony for a boy too young to die._

_Emma never missed the evening news, it would be accurate to say she was mesmerised by the kind of tail-biting stories she would never face in her safe, if not boringly normal life. It was the only kind of adventure she had, or could, experience, without the added dangerous reality she knew would be too much. _

_But something was different about this story. Something about his shiny blue eyes made her heart ache. Something about the fresh faced boy told her he was special; one in a million even. This, was too much; too personal._

_Maybe it was his smile; charming and lopsided, or his eyes; filled with such light, as if his very being was fuelled by sunlight... Whatever it was she'd never know. Because she'd never see him again. And her life would be empty, but from what? She'd never know. Emma would remain clueless to every fact other than that the moon would never glow quite the same way again. _

_She realised one night, as she gazed pointlessly out the window and at the faintly laminated street below, that the moon did in fact have a face. She found that the eyes that met hers were a vivid, deep blue- bluer than she'd ever known. It was with great sadness that Emma realised they sparkled not with joy, but with loss; forgotten hope and wistful sadness. Before she closed the curtains that night she made sure to memorize his smile, because it was unlike anything she'd ever known. A wonderfully crocked smile that made her heart beat out of sync._

_Her life would remain dark, shadowed. And she'd never know the bright eyed, curly haired boy. She saw him in her dreams, at least. Every night. And she'd never forget his smile; it'd haunt her in the darkest of nights. But she wouldn't wonder why. She never did; she was thankful for the company. Because she realised she was always alone, as if... There was something missing. But she didn't know what. Only that she would remain alone, forever, with only the faintly glowing moon to guide her through the darkness. Because after being let down for her entire life she started to lose hope. And it only takes a moment. She realised no man would compare to what she'd never known. The light of any man's smile was little in comparison to the moon._

I don't know what stopped me from jumping. But now I look back I find myself remembering... The sun. I know that's a strange thing to remember the exact detail of... But I remember it had never been so bright. So radiant and glowing, so _beautiful._ I remember staring intently until my eyes hurt; until I could feel nothing else. I found myself wondering how something so stunning came to be. I mean I knew _how, _but... It just seemed too simple to me. Because how could something so beautiful just _be_?

In that moment I felt like the sun shone just for me. It was as if I could see every flickering flame, and in every stunning curl of light, were countless colours; a thousand blends of red, orange and yellow. An ignored masterpiece I hadn't, since then; before then, taken a moment to admire; to truly appreciate.

But it's hard to say "thanks" to something that gives you life by simply _being. _That makes you who you are and who believes you shine just as bright; who claims your smile lights up the darkness; if she's the sun you're the moon. And even when you find such colour fading, you know she never will. As long as you remain, so will she. Because you need each other, like that sun and the moon.

"Will, honey?" Emma giggled sweetly, I could hear her gentle footsteps from where I was sitting. But I couldn't move if I wanted to. Frozen with fear, with desperation and sadness.

"where are you hiding?" So that's where she found me. Head in hands. Shaking uncontrollably, like a child. Like a boy. Glowing eyes and a broken smile were her light greeting.

"Will?" Emma breathed, sliding onto the couch gracefully; she pulled me into her arms. And I clutched her as if she was all I had; as if I was holding the fragile pieces of my entire world, and in that moment, I was. She was everything. And I could've lost her; I could've lost everything.

Emma hummed a silent melody into my ear with her warm breath, clutching me to her softly, gently, but so securely; I'd never felt so loved. I pulled away eventually, apologizing with stutters and sniffs that Emma quickly brushed aside as she brushed away the remains of tears with the soft pad of her thumb. I looked away shamefully. But she brought my eyes to hers with the careful encouragement of her fingertips. And when her eyes met mine I knew I needed to tell her everything; I wanted to tell her everything.

So I replied to her silent question with a story. A story I had never told anyone. A story of a boy who nearly jumped. Who nearly lost... _Everything._

She cried with me then. Her hands clutching me desperately; afraid I might just disappear. She cried for a lost boy with wistful eyes, and for a girl with fiery hair and the darkest of lives; for the man she loved who could've left her forever, and for a woman who almost lived in the shadows, surviving only on the charming smiles of a stranger she swore she knew, but only truly saw once, on her faded TV screen.

In that moment, I realised I was her everything, even when I was nothing; no one. I was still one in a million to her.

"I need you." It was one of many confessions laid bare that night. And it could've come from either of us; the feeling was mutual. But this time it came from my mouth. Emma threaded our fingered together, admiring how perfectly they fit for a moment before my lips met with her soft ones. She kissed me with all the passion she knew, all the pain she wished to forget and all the love she'd almost lost. I gave her everything she'd selflessly given me with a promise.

"I'll never leave you."Was my sincere whisper. Our eyes met in the darkening room, in the faintly luminescent glow of night.

"Never." Emma agreed tearfully. Sniffing slightly as she smiled. Silence took over for a moment as I smiled in return, wishing there was more to say.

With a second of hopelessness all hope would've been gone. But I'd had the sun. And I was so thankful for her

I smiled goofily, childishly, as she pulled away, and she tested my gaze; eyes bright and full of life, so full of hope; as if my very being was fuelled by sunlight. And my heart melted when her eyes met mine, I couldn't deserve the love trapped in her ever youthful stare. No one could. Or could they deserve that kind of eternal beauty. I took her in with a soft sigh; her delicate, pale flesh, huge, honey-brown eyes, and gorgeous amber-red hair that had never been so bright. I realised this, under the faint glow of the moon; that it had never been so radiant and glowing; so _beautiful._ I remember staring intently until my eyes hurt; until I could feel nothing else. I found myself wondering how something so stunning came to be. I mean I knew _how_,but... It just seemed too simple to me. Because how could something so beautiful just be?

In that moment I felt like the sun shone just for me. It was as if I could see every flickering flame, and in every stunning curl of light, were countless colours; a thousand blends of red, orange and yellow. An ignored masterpiece I hadn't, since then, before then, taken a moment to admire; to truly appreciate.

"Oh and Emma?" I caught her eyes drifting from our joined hands to my eyes, wavering slightly in my intense stare; adorable.

"Yes?" She looked relieved, she'd found sanctuary in my eyes; as I had in hers, every time I found my hope fading I knew at least she never would.

"Thanks."

**Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! And don't forget to review! **_**:)**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi readers! As always I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter! This chapter is a prompt from Moonbike "what if Will was divorced in the episode **

'**Showmace'" Thanks for the prompts! **_**:)**_

Colours of emotion.

The first colour was brown; an ugly emotion of conflicting feeling.

"I left Terri."

Was his bitter response to my question: "Wi-Will, a-are you... An um, are you a janitor?"... Well actually it was a determined "what? No... No!" That earnt an even more stubborn "Really? Because you're dressed like one and your shirt says 'Will". Which lead to the final answer I was craving. I mean because I wanted the truth. Not because I wanted him to leave his wife. Because of course I didn't. I mean that would just cause him pain, and I'd never wish anything hurtful on Will; because I cared about him; just the right amount and no more.

"I-I'm so sorry..." I whispered, trying to close my gaping mouth in vain; trying to push back the defeating flood of emotion; of hope. "I can't imagine how you must be feeling." Heartbroken, lost, alone... Will nodded his thanks, and I took his silence as a void to fill, even with lifeless words. "Do you, do you need a hand?" Will politely declined my offer, before I told him of Mrs. Carlisle's lack of hygiene, and the fact that he'd used window cleaner on the floor; he graciously accepted and I retrieved one of the four tooth brushes I kept in the sealed container in my bag, and made my way over to the pencil sharpener, (god knows how many students had touched in just one day... I bet none of them washed their hands like their teacher...), which I cleaned intently for the next hour. Until I was interrupted by a soft voice, which, after a second too long, I realised was formed at my lips. "You never told me... Why is it that you're a janitor now? Glee club not enough fun for one night?" I attempted a flirty smirk, but achieved no such smile; only one broken grimace Will seemed to take as I had intended. He chuckled lightly; a charming grin lined his manly features when he spoke, "not quite... I need the money to pay the divorce lawyer." "Oh." Yes _oh; _how could I be so insensitive? The sad smile Will gave me only made everything worse.

"I truly am sorry Will... I know you two have been together a very long time... And you know I'm always here to talk, you know, if you ever need someone... To um... Talk with..." I stumbled through my words, blushing at the truth behind them; I'd always be here.

"Thanks Em." He actually sounded genuine. Maybe he was as good an actor as he was a singer?

"You know what? You're helping me with one of my problems, so how about I take a snap at one of yours." I was momentarily stunned, gazing at his towering form with starry eyes, before I remembered to speak. "I-I don't have a problem." Will raised one eyebrow discerningly and his gaze followed my vice-like grip on the toothbrush. "You've been cleaning that pencil sharpener for an hour."

"Well I guess I have a little trouble with messes but I wouldn't say that it's a problem..." I trailed off when looking back at Will. His stare was disbelieving, Understanding and interested. I realised in that moment that there was no point lying; not to Will; not when all he'd ever been was kind to me; understanding when he could've been judging- like everyone else. There was little point in ruining the one perfect, (although not quite...) relationship I had by lying. So I told him the truth, "When I was a little girl I wanted to work on a dairy farm..." Will grinned at this, whispering a barey audible "really?" as I giggled and nodded my response. Will looking at me with such interest I felt like I almost mattered; like somehow, I wasn't completely alone. "When I was eight my family finally went to one. But um, after the yogurt tasting, and the tour... My brother pushed me into the runoff lagoon..." My voice lost confidence as I my words faltered and I grimaced at the memory, ending my story with "and since then I've had a little trouble forgetting the... Um, the Smell..." Darkness clouded over at the thought. And black became the second colour; dark, uncertain, afraid, and, eventually, alone.

I looked down when the strength of Will's stare was too much to handle, and I fought the urge to continue where I'd left off; the metal of the pencil sharpener wasn't clean _yet_, but I worried it would never be.

"Have you ever thought about... I don't know, maybe seeing someone about that?" He asked softly. As if reading my thoughts; I just wanted to feel _normal, _I needed help, but more than anything else, I needed to be certain; more than "maybe". But I didn't want to be his damsel in distress; I was tired of being helpless.

"Oh, no... It's perfectly manageable... I just take lots of showers... And I don't eat dairy..."

Again my words faded as he neared, and I was left speechless when I realised his proximity. "I want to try... A little experiment." Will's eyes remained fixed on mine as he ran a finger tip, swiftly along the length of chalk dust. I watched in awe as his arm flexed, I couldn't help but admire the strength I saw there, and guiltily imagine how his powerful arms would feel wrapped around my body so securely; I wondered if I'd finally feel safe...

Before I could ponder this any further I was stunned to thoughtlessness. Will walked towards me, revealing the soft pad of his finger, coated in white dust. I stifled a gasp, frozen in place, I knew I wouldn't want to move if I could; and that frightened me.

Red. The third colour. Shameful lust, want, desire; that was so reckless and unlike me. But Will made me someone else, someone close to fearless; until I remembered.

"Oh... N-no... I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with th-at..." I gasped as his flesh caressed mine so softly, eyes following his finger as he brushed my skin. I felt myself blush from the intensity of his gaze, I knew if I looked up I'd find his eyes locked on mine; they were searching so desperately. And for once my mind wasn't fearfully stressing the idea of germs, or of contamination, but the even more scary idea of love and happiness, that was so rare and uncontrollable.

"There." His arm reached up to brush the offending dust from my skin, and my eyes closed in something between comfort and desire.

"Ten seconds." Yes. Ten seconds. I'd been counting. But not because I _had_ to. Not because I was bitterly afraid or anxious; not for reasons I could barely understand myself; reasons that were extreme and suffocating. No. This was something entirely different; equally frightening; but painfully common; tragically understood. And yet totally confusing, and not truly known, until found. I realised that my newest obsession, was much like my lifelong burden in way, and yet this was understood; universal. I wasn't sure whether to be scared or relieved; finally this was okay; I felt the way I should. So counted because I _wanted_ to count; so that that night when I tried to remember how he looked in that very moment; the depth of his eyes as they bore into mine with _that look;_ the exact feel of his flesh on mine, and the time he'd spent just _watching_ me; I would know how long that moment went on for, and I wouldn't be kidding myself when remembered that the moment seemed endless; that he _was _in fact looking at me, and not some other object of entertainment he'd found in the room. And it wasn't in the Observing-an-animal-in-a-zoo, kind of way, but in the much more preferable "I think you're not totally crazy... maybe just mostly crazy", kind of way. And to me, that sound pretty perfect.

"New record." Maybe it was the newly found strength in this information that gave me the confidence to admit my personal accomplishment. But it felt good to say it. And as my wide eyes met his, I thought maybe I wasn't so alone after all.

I only caught myself staring at his lips when it was too late. My brain was too busy imagining how they'd feel... How they'd taste... To realise he was staring just as intently, at my lips; parted with longing, I saw his mouth open, just slightly, as if he was about to speak, and I couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking about kissing me, too; words of desire fell from his lips before they could be voiced. And I could practically feel his hot breath mingling with mine... But he was married... No... No, he wasn't married. Not now. But would it be wrong? Unfair to Terri? They were divorced... And I wanted to kiss him, so much. But what if he didn't, I mean, why would he? Before I could decide whether to run now or to wait for a moment or two, I felt his breaths again, this time, hotter; closer, deeper. I saw him move slowly, questioningly; he was as unsure as I was. I'd spent every day of the past year imagining this moment, but I'd never considered Will to be wary of my response; afraid _I _might turn _him _down. This was unexpected. Completely unexpected.

I waited for the aeroplane to crash into the side of the building, the killer storm to tear us apart; for tsunami to strike, because even though none of those things were likely to happen, they were more likely than for Will Schuester to kiss me.

And yet I found myself unharmed by any of the expected natural disasters; instead his lips fell to mine so slowly I could've counted the seconds. But I didn't. Not for fear or for memory. Because I wanted to _live _it, I wanted to _feel_ the moment; no matter how fleeting it was; whether it was ten seconds or a thousand.

Out of somewhere I found the strength in my shaking form to wind my arms around his neck, pressing myself more tightly into his body as he held me lovingly; I gratefully discovered his arms were stronger than I'd imagined; safer. And I melted into him as his lips moulded perfectly into mine; as if they were made to fit just so. And I was _warm_. Not lustful red, and not simply the joy of yellow, but orange, maybe. Yes, orange; warm, burning, but gentle, blissful; orange.

After a moment his hand moved to cup my cheek, and he stroked my skin so gently that I felt like weeping; so undeserving of his affection, but so willing to receive. No-one had ever touched me with such kindness.

My hands strayed from their safe position on his thick upper arms, bravely running over his cotton covered chest before they reached their intended target; soft curls; whips of brown I _knew _would feel like this. And everything felt just right.

Before I remembered. Will wasn't mine; maybe he'd sort everything out with his wife in a few days and I'd have only gained hope to lose everything in a blink. In less than ten seconds; an uncountable measure.

I pulled away in a moment of weakness, and of fear. I remained swaying on my feet for a moment as I caught my breath, fingers clutching Will desperately; so powerfully that I worried my nails may mark the skin beneath layers of soft grey wool; the same way I had gripped the toothbrush earlier, before I pulled away completely. "Wh-what's wrong? Oh god, is it your OCD? Oh Em I'm so sorry, I didn't even think I just, god, I've wanted to do that for so long and I-", I cut him off before he could finish, "no, no, it's not that, I just, you've just left your wife, an-" "yes. I _just_ did." Will smiled sincerely, "and I've wanted to kiss you for _so_ long..." _You have?_I opened my mouth to say something; anything, but shyness took over before I could respond. I found myself silently flushing in return.

"If you don't want to then I totally understand... I just thought... I don't know..." Will sighed in frustration, running a hand through his matted curls and I couldn't help but remember the way my hands had been tangled there just moments before. "...You were looking at me with those _eyes_... An-" "please, please don't apologise." Will's gaze returned to mine instantly; suddenly he had hope. "I just... Didn't want this to mean more to me than it does to you." I admitted shamefully, looking away guiltily; I wished I could give him what he wanted, but I wanted _so_ much... He nodded in understanding, as if he could possibly understand the strength of a touch to someone so isolated; how desperately I'd craven his love for _so_ long, and now here he was, declaring that he wanted this; wanted me. It was overwhelming.

"You don't have to worry about that." I nodded my understanding, not that I understood... But I was numb with feeling. Will gently brushed a strand of auburn hair from my cheek; a lock of red that had fallen out of place. I realised I barely cared; not when his finger tips caressed my skin so softly; so hotly, before he pulled back. A sudden calm washed over me; a safeness and a comfort I wasn't used to, and I was met with a lopsided grin. And I knew then that everything would be okay, even if it made no sense at all. Because this was it. The final colour. Blue; deep, complicated, adoring; blue. Sadness only partly made the definitive colour of emotion; wounded by experience; by heartbreak and rejection. But under everything else was hope; optimism, and the kind of knowing possessed by only the most taught of teachers. But everything about Will was more than simple; more than ordinary. Even his grin wasn't straight or even but adorably crooked, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Will smiled then, and I couldn't help but smile in return; so it was decided; nothing was decided or understood or whatever normal was; but it was ours. And just like that I realised that even the blue that had seemed so simple, was much more than it seemed. A shade so specific I knew it couldn't possibly be _just _blue; it had be periwinkle.

**Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to review and if you'd like me to write a prompt for you just ask!**_** :)**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi, sorry it's been so long since I last updated, life suddenly got really busy! Thank you, as always to those of you who review and encourage me to carry on writing, it really means a lot! **_**:)**_

**This chapter is set in season one "Acafellas" and filled prompt from Moonbike: "could you write a chapter where Will and Emma dance to a song by Britney Spears?" **

I've always cursed my fair skin. Sun burn comes easily and freckles remain a constant reminder of my pale complexion. But the greatest con is when white becomes pink. Blushing; the most simple revelation, undeniable and innocent and bitter; an uncontrollable moment of exposure. It was a moment of vulnerability that I couldn't risk; a moment that could shatter the facade of prim sureness that had remained my sanctuary for so long. In moments of complete exposure I was scarlet, as depthless as anyone; beneath layers of yellow cotton was red painted pale skin.

A stage full of men and somehow there was only one visible; a room full of people and I was totally alone. And then there was the kiss. A kiss so virtuous it was without a touch; one that danced from his lips to land on my pink cheek; coloured by the warmth of his nonexistent touch. And I couldn't help but grin foolishly and clap louder than everyone else. I couldn't help but hide from Ken behind that overgrown fern, (which if you're asking me looked like it could do with a good clean), until Will walked by. So I could hardly be blamed by the events that followed.

"Emma?" A soft voice brought me out of my thoughts

"Will!" I jumped so suddenly that the disinfectant fell from my hand with a crash.

"Oops! Let me get that for you." Will bent to retrieve the bottle from the ground, handing it to me with a soft smile.

"Th-thanks." I blushed just slightly when his fingertips brushed mine.

Will looked at the cleaning supplies with a raised eye brow.

"The plant... was... um..."

He nodded carefully, "bugs like plants, bugs live in the dirt... And dirt, well that goes without saying, doesn't it?" He smiled again; "you don't need to explain."

I replied with a shy smile, allowing my teeth to catch the pink flesh of my bottom lip, swaying nervously where I stood.

"You were incredible, by the way; the audience loved you." _I love you._

He chuckled his thanks, modestly praising his group at my words.

"Will!" I saw him freeze, spinning on the spot to face a very angry looking blond.

"Te-Terri." I'd never heard him stutter, not even in front of crowds of people. But Terri was much more threatening.

"Will we are leaving. _Now_. There's no way I'm going to spend the rest of my night with this bunch of _losers_ when I could be at home watching desperate house wives...! Who's this?" Her voice dropped an octave when she spotted me, lowering menacingly as her eyes look me in, I straightened subconsciously. Whatever she saw seemed to be somehow amusing to her because a light smirk graced her rouged lips.

"This is Emma, Terri; she's my friend, and the guidance councilor at McKinley." Will offered pleadingly, sending me a comforting smile and an encouraging nod as he did so. I smiled weakly at Terri, and murmured a soft "hi." when she smiled cruelly.

"I've got an idea!" Terri clasped her hands together with a harsh slap. And I winced at the sound. "How about we have a dance before we leave?" With a bitter smile Terri left suddenly, without waiting for a response, dragging Will to the dance floor by his sleeve, she waved slightly, flashing me a red-rimmed smile and a wave of her false crimson nails. I mouthed a small "bye." And faked smile for Will's benefit, while he sent me a small, apologetic wave, shrugging his shoulders as he allowed himself to be lead away… After a moment of watching the happy couple I turned back to the far from clean plant.

"Emma you _must _dance." _No. I _must_ finish cleaning this plant._

"I'm fine, really. But you go have fun." I smiled sweetly at the bitter smile that joined her icy blue eyes. "No I insist." She jeered evilly.

"I don't even have anyone to dance with." I rationalised.

"You can dance with Will." She nodded triumphantly. As if she was going me a favor. What was she playing at?

"N-no, I..." But by then she had pulled Will from his adoring fans, and pushed him towards me. I pleaded with my eyes, _don't do this._ But by then I was stumbling into Will's sturdy form, muttering apologies and trying to plan my escape. Avoiding eyes I knew would be soft and warm. Because I couldn't bare to see the care I didn't deserve. Suddenly wishing I could melt into the floorboards. But then I really looked up, and I saw the eyes I knew would be gentle and sweet; blue eyes filled with concern, so different from the cold ones that'd trapped me earlier. And before I knew it Will had led me to the dance floor, without so much as a touch, and we were swaying so softly we were barely moving. Not even touching, standing a meter apart, neither of us sure of how to proceed. And the room was spinning around us, and the air was running out. Will offered a single hand, and I took it without hesitation; without even a thought. My heart beating faster and faster, my cheeks more red than pink. And his arm wove around my waist; drawing me closer, but not close enough. He was careful; holding me like a porcelain doll; breakable, that was a word I imagined he'd use to describe me. And fought the urge to I fall into his warm body, and into the strength I knew lied behind layers of cotton vests, to breathe him in with a shaky breath. He hummed into my hair softly; a song I hadn't realised had been playing;

_"If I said my heart was beating loud,_

_If we could escape the crowd somehow,_

_If I said I want your body now, _

_Would you hold it against me?" _

I looked up when I felt the weight of his eyes on mine, and allowed a small smile. "I didn't know you were a fan of Brittany?" I teased, trying my best to ignore the crimson that marked my skin violently.

Will chuckled playfully, "she's pretty out there I know... but I think that's part of her charm." I nodded in agreement, smiling slightly under his gentle gaze. There was so much I didn't know about him; so much of Will I'd never seen. He made me feel special, looking at me in that way that said he cared; like in that moment I was his and he was mine. With his wife standing just meters away wearing a wicked smirk and a skirt so short I was sure it was shrinking like her smile, but Will didn't even glance in her direction. Not even for a second; not even at her innocently disappearing clothing.

"Sorry about Terri..." Will whispered, eyes measuring my reaction warily.

"Wh-what do you mean by that?" I asked innocently.

Will sighed sadly, "just that... She's been a little crazy lately... I'm sorry if she does anything... Well, Terri-ish."

I giggled despite myself. "Terri-ish?"

Will smirked playfully before replying, "Exactly."

I nodded evenly then, smiling nervously, not sure where to go from _"I'm sorry for my wife."_

"It's kind of hard to understand how different you are to her, really." Will's eyes were distant, dazed; he was only half talking to me.

"Different?" I mumbled weakly, _I'm weak and she's strong, she has you and I have no-one._

"Yeah, Terri is willing to do anything to get what she wants, but you spend every day helping others find what they want and who they are... I don't think Terri could spend that long listening to someone without interjecting that she thinks their choice of sweater makes them look fat." Will chuckled and a breezy laugh that I realised was mine joined his. And it was back to how it always was when we were together; easy, natural.

"I did almost tell Jacob Ben Israel that he needed to wash his hands before he comes into my office..." I looked up, expecting to see judgment, but I was met with another bright laugh, and I couldn't help but grin back.

_"Hey, you might think_

_That I'm crazy_

_But, you know I'm just your type_

_I might be_

_A little hazy_

_But, you just cannot deny_

_There's a spark_

_In between us_

_When we're dancin' on the floor_

_I want more_

_Wanna see it_

_So, I'm askin' you tonight"_

I looked away quickly, before he could see the pain in my eyes; the effect of the truth; and of his husky hum tickling my skin so innocently.

"Will, we can't find your mother... we think she may have disappeared soon after she drank all the martinis... That was an hour ago." The droned voice of the man who, by Will's description, I guessed was Howard Bamboo, shattered the unbreakable moment of us. And it was back to reality. "I'd better go." I nodded in understanding, wishing he'd stay.

I turned around only to come face to face with Terri.

"Terri... H-i..."

"Okay let's cut to the chase. Will is my husband; _my husband_. And I'd prefer it if you stopped swooning over him like a school girl. Okay?" Terri raised her eyebrows, accentuating her point with a cruel sneer

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about." I denied, only stuttering slightly.

"Don't play innocent with me I know what you are." She carried on when didn't respond, "You're a man stealer. But Will, will never be yours... He's so far out of your league it's ridiculous." Terri cackled at a silent joke; at me.

"I'm not trying to _steal_ your husband I-"

"You blushed in his arms tonight." She interrupted pointedly. My eyes widened considerably and I opened my mouth to reply but there was nothing to say; she was right, I could still feel the gravelly purr of his voice on the delicate skin of my cheek... could still feel his smile against my hair, and the air of importance that came with the knowledge that _I'd _made him smile; as if I suddenly I had a reason.

"I can't believe Will sometimes... even bothering to talk to someone like _you... _Even out of pity... It's just so, well, Will... He's always had a thing for losers... But I never thought he'd stoop _this _low." Terri examined her scarlet nails calmly, looking at me as if for agreement.

And that's when something snapped inside of me. Will deserved so much better.

"You know what Terri? I may be a loser, and I may be unworthy of someone like Will, but I'd rather be a loser than a bottle-blond airhead who takes out her disappointment of how her life has turned out on those who she can see have done so much better for themselves than she has." I clasped a hand to my mouth, as if I could put the words back there somehow. The second they met the air I knew I'd made a mistake; I'd acted on impulse and that was something I barley ever did; and for good reason, too.

I watched her expression change to one of anger, and, as if in slow motion, the blur of her rapidly moving fist as it sped towards my open mouthed face. And then there was darkness.

I heard a painful scream and my eyes snapped up unseeingly. The room was a mess of rushing people moving too fast to comprehend. Sharp, violent, whimpers sliced the heavy air. And then there was yelling, so loud it hurt, and something cold that somehow burnt my skin. Feeling as I'd had been stripped to my very core, because there could be nothing left after so much had burned away. The music had ended, long ago, but I still a light hum of raging voices haunted the space; the faded reminder of the previous passionate screams. A soft voice somehow managed to find me in the haze; "Emma, Emma look at me, please." Will? _Move._ Why can't I move? I wanted more than anything to tell Will I was okay, even though I wasn't. I felt a hesitant touch on my arm, and I couldn't help but flinch away, but the hand was firm, strong, and I found some strength its warmth.

"Will..." I breathed. Eyes finding his lovely face, brow lined with concern, eyes soft with compassion. I saw him sigh in relief, he _must _care... But then the pain hit me, and the fire started again, I looked down and realised I was covered with some kind of liquid_. Red. _I whimpered helplessly at the fear that consumed me, deeper than just my surface wounds; more than visible and suddenly free to scar.

A violent stabbing began its assault against my chest; my lungs shuddered in their confines, twisting, convulsing; pressing so painfully I felt I might break.

I choked on the air that was suddenly precious, gasping for life. The thoughts that raged my mind weren't my own. They were harsh and cruel; twisted and vindictive. Burning away at my mind with a force that made me forget who I was, and all I knew was the pain, so heavy I thought I might break. It felt as though the world was burning around me, the heated flames licking at my skin, and I stood barely protected, watching, waiting, alone, allowing the fire to shatter my world in seconds.

My eyes clouded with crimson, so bright and so dark I couldn't see anything else.

"Emma, it's going to be okay, I've got you." I nodded numbly. Not really believing any one person's arms could stop me from falling. But his could. Because suddenly I was in his embrace, reddening face buried in the warm crook of his neck, trying as hard as I could to disappear. I felt more than heard the crowd disappear to let us escape, and then we were alone, in a quiet room.

Will unwound my arms from around his neck, placing me gently on the floor. I looked up as his did so, catching his gaze when he shrunk to my height, "Emma, I know you're scared, but it's going to be okay. You've just got to trust me, can you do that?" He was practically begging, hands clutching my arms so desperately I wasn't sure who needed saving the most.

"I trust you." I managed to squeak. Will squeezed my arms tenderly then, smiling almost proudly, as he whispered, "you're the bravest person I know." Even in my hazy state I still managed to flush with pride. And only shake my head slightly, a sign of doubt that didn't go unnoticed by Will. He shook head, almost sadly and knowingly said "you're..." Will sighed airily, smiling as if searching for words he couldn't voice. "So special..." Although Will still looked unfulfilled his words made my heart swell and I smiled, probably a little more pleased than I should have been.

With one final smile Will left my side, only to return a second later with a fresh cloth and a bar of soap, "The owners saw me carry you in here..." was his gentle explanation. I watched unseeingly as he dampened the cloth and lathered it with soap. "Is this okay?" He asked softly, I nodded feebly, allowing him to touch my skin with the course material. I shut my eyes when he touched my stinging flesh, and a single tear fell ceremoniously, to cast a shadow of sadness over my pale cheeks.

Will's lips landed sweetly on my forehead, a light touch that brought so much comfort. My eyes fluttered open as he pulled away, taking in his watery eyes, his broken smile. And I winced when I saw the once white cloth as scarlet. When my assumption was proved to be right; blood.

"I'm so sorry Emma..." My mouth opened soundlessly, words I couldn't say fell silent on his ears, but brutally loud on mine. "I'm so, so sorry..."

"Don't be" I choked painfully, "this isn't your fault." The words were mine but the voice foreign, that of a young girl.

"I just, god, I..." Will stumbled and stuttered, searching for words he couldn't find; didn't understand, eyes searching the yellowing tiles of the bathroom floor for answers. "I-I..." In a moment the old Will returned; I forgot he'd even left, "... Am an awful knight in shining armor, aren't I?" He chuckled, a sound I had forgotten in such a short time. "I'm meant to be comforting you! Not the other way round..." His voice grew soft when he whispered, "I'll do anything I can to fix is. What do you need?" His voice turned pleading and desperate.

"I just need you." I murmured flatly, ashamed at the honesty of my confession. Will nodded, though I doubted he understood the truth in my words his face was serious, determined.

"You have me." But I didn't, not really. Because when we left that room I'd be alone and he'd have Terri. And although he was my hero I would never be more than a girl who needed saving along the way; I wasn't his happy ending. But still I smiled weakly and allowed him to wet my face with the cloth, until he was satisfied that I was clean.

Will sighed sadly, "I can't believe Terri would do this..." I couldn't bare to look at him, so innocent and kind. Terri didn't deserve him... I didn't deserve him.

"Are you feeling better?" Will asked sweetly when he was finished cleaning the last of the stickiness from around us.

"Yes, much, thank you."

Will smiled knowingly, "no you're not." After a moment of silence I decided that there was no point in lying to someone who knew the truth, but was polite enough to ask anyway.

"No, I'm not." I agreed hesitantly.

Out of the darkness Will grinned boyishly, offering a hand and asking "dance with me?" adding "We never got to finish our song." when I tilted my head in question. I laughed lightly at his childlike innocence and reminded him "there's no music." Will chuckled as if I was completely crazy, and maybe I was, because it was nearly midnight and there I was, standing devilishly close to a married man; covered in blood, and I was the happiest and safest I had been in a long time.

Before I could utter another word Will had swept me into his arms, holding me as sweetly as he had earlier, but this time closer, so close I could barely breathe, and yet I knew in that moment that if I died in his arms I'd be completely content. I knew that _this _was something dying for... or something worth living for.

Somehow I gained the courage to stare back at his powerful gaze, no longer fearful of falling into such undefined depth. Because I had fallen so deeply already, I simply didn't care anymore. And I knew that in that moment I was his and he was mine, and no one; not even Terri, could take that away from me.

I'd been gazing so dreamily for so long that I'd only seen his strong eyes; so wistfully that I barely noticed anything else. Weakened by his strength. It was only when his eyes tore from mine; and the dance we'd made our own had nearly finished, that I realised we were barely moving, that his hand no longer had reason to be pressed against the small of my back. Not that I minded. But then my eyes followed his, to search for their willing target. My lips. _He was staring at my lips._ I swallowed nervously, as Will moved closer. And closer. And closer. Until... he was almost touching me... almost… but not quite. It would be so easy to reach up and press lips to his... But I knew I couldn't. We couldn't; because he was married. But still we stayed there. Just like that; bodies as close as possible and yet still without complications, without fear or mistake; without really touching. We stayed safe and warm and as far away as we could be without tearing in two. Two separate people closer than any one person, our hearts beating in sync. Gentle Will brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen out of place, so softly that I fought a sigh of calmness. Suddenly I was safe. And as he whispered words of comfort I found myself agreeing mindlessly with a soft whimper of desperation, simply at the sensation of his breath on my lips. So warm and soft I couldn't help but sigh contently.

"You know they say the hesitation before a kiss is the best part... I never really believed that..." _until now._ I found my mouth opening silently, allowing Will to carry on when I was lost for words, "because this is so totally innocent... We're not doing anything wrong... This is okay..." although okay was just about the last word I'd use to describe that moment I'd said perfect, possibly flawless, blissful, maybe… But _defiantly_ not okay, I nodded numbly all the same, in my haze of confusion, and my certainty. _This _is where I belonged... Where was I again?

I don't know how long we stayed like that for. Just safe, just okay, just... Perfect. Until I remembered were I was, still too intoxicated by his warmth to form a coherent sentence.

"It's... I-it's... getting late..." I breathed half-heartily, more worried about the timing than the time.

"You mean early?" Will whispered calmly, "y-yes... Early..." I agreed lifelessly, never having felt so alive.

_Your wife's standing outside, _didn't even cross my mine; not even for a second... or at least not for two. And I made no attempt to leave his heavenly embrace. Too captivated by Will's eyes to even notice his hand moving until it was resting on my cheek, caressing my flesh so softly that the act couldn't possibly be anything less than _okay_, or than wonderful and flawless… Could it? The trace of redness that followed his calloused fingertips as they adored my flesh suggested otherwise.

His loving smile made me feel safe, and wanted, but I knew the colour ran deeper than white. I was sure that beneath layers of sunny cotton remained the hind of darkness and desperateness that was safer locked away. Under his gentle touch the heat was rising; crimson was reborn and purity was something long forgotten, all of its innocence gone in a touch...

"WILL!" The sweet daze was broken in a second, and we were left with the bitterness of reality.

Terri.

"Ter-" she slammed the door harshly, and I was actually scared for the man who loved her. He dropped his hand from my cheek, smiling sheepishly before asking me if I was feeling any better. I nodded gratefully, smiling at his care, and watching wistfully as he left with nothing more than a sad smile and my heart.

And then he turned and smiled, perfectly, crookedly, and was suddenly standing before me grinning foolishly. And before I could utter a response his gentle lips were on my cheek, just as I'd imagined. And I flushed harder; deeper, and chewed my bottom lip sheepishly when he smiled and pulled away to gauge my reaction, just as I thought he was about to speak, he said nothing, perhaps deciding that he'd rather say nothing that lie with words too weak to define us. Instead he stroked my crimson-stained cheeks with a soft smile, proud that he'd caused such a sinful colour to possess an angel of pure white. And left, without another word, somehow silently changing my world with little more than nothing...

One day, maybe one day, I'd know what it was he opened his mouth to say; whether it was as simple and undeniable as the thoughts I felt, or as complicated as "goodbye", I dreamed of knowing; of really _knowing_ Will, because I'd realized there was so much I didn't know about the man who'd stolen my heart. I waited for one day I'd blush under his touch and feel no guilt; feel no pain of revelation because the was nothing left to reveal; no words left unsaid.

For now, even as I blushed in his arms so girlishly, I wasn't a child, and we weren't innocent; as innocent as the red that marked my skin so violently.

We weren't sweet, or tender, or loving. And I wasn't strong, or brave or calm. I was broken; so broken and yet untouched; maybe damaged by little more than the blue eyes of someone who'd never see me clearly. I might be loved, well, that would remain an answerless question; I _may _be loved... but I was still alone.

Fighting with safety and lies I hid behind a shield of yellow; of soft cotton and delicate silk. Not pureness or sunshine, but with a revelation of rouge fire.

Love came without permission, breaking through layer after layer of sweet denial to find the blushing girl beneath, the weak one, or the strong one, and watching in laughter as she tore in two, as she realised everything she wasn't, and finally cared. But it couldn't be said to be one of many regrets; every day of seemingly endless pain was worth the knowledge of being specialto the one person who mattered... It was enough to smile through the tears and wait for _one day_. And even as innocence was stolen and I lost myself found something so much better... _him._

**The lyrics in italics are from "hold it against me" by Britney Spears. Oh, and the bit where Will says "**_**You know they say the hesitation before a kiss is the best part..." **_**The they part, are the writers of How i Met Your Mother in the episode: "drumroll, please." **_**;)**_** Thanks for reading, please review! **_**:)**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi again! Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter, your comments never fail to make my day! **_**:)**_** This chapter was suggested by Wemmaddicted: **_**"**__**In the episode Finn kissed Emma (WTF?!) and could you write a chapter about what would have happened if Will had seen it? This would be really great :D" **_**Thanks for the prompt! I hope you enjoy the chapter. :)**

_"It's fine." You whispered, mostly just so he'd stop talking. So you could be alone with your thoughts, and with the man you'd come to recognise only in your dreams of perfection. _

_Carl smiled that irritatingly even way that seemed so... wrong, or at least, not right... as he brushed away your fears with the careless wave of his hand. But still you grimaced at the idea of a Vegas wedding... Vegas, of all places; of destroying every childhood dream of a white dress, and a pretty church; you couldn't help but feel like you were betraying that little girl with nothing but a barrel of hand sanitizer and dreams of perfection... and for what? So you didn't have to take a risk? Because it was easier that way? Still you told yourself this was... _okay_... This was enough... you were positive; everything was fine._

It's the fear that comes first; washing over you like a great, adamant wave; crashing, roaring, deafeningly condescending when it destroys everything in a second of brutal strength... And then there's the anger... Biting, ripping, tearing, because you _know _you're being ridiculous as your fingernails scratch tirelessly at a stain you've noticed on your _almost_ spotless desk. _Stop. Stop. Stop. STOP. _You chant as if possessed, the words are whispered like a spell; you pray for the magic to make it all end, but you don't have the power. And even as the uncleanness is no longer recognisable as nothing; as less than the little it was before in a... more relaxed state, you find your breathing quickening as your mind teases mercilessly, and you know it's just beginning.

You still can't help but feel the tickle of something in-between recognisable emotion; because it's hard to describe until you feel it. Until you start to wonder how it is that you're breathing still, and suddenly you fight to carry on, suddenly every breath is measured; as if you've always been controlling the uncontrollable. You're sure this can't be how everyone feels. You don't know how they'd bare it if they did, when you feel like you're tearing in two sometimes, and you think maybe it'd be a good thing if you did; because you don't like yourself much anyway. Maybe you'll be only half as terrible; maybe the pain would teach you to be a better person; maybe you deserve it.

On the edge of madness you think that maybe, no; surely, this isn't because you missed church last weekend, (you couldn't help that the cake you had _finally _decided on didn't match the bridesmaids dresses... You couldn't help that your mother had called to tell you that she thought you might as well dye your hair brown if you're so adamant on marring Will and having "freaky wooly babies"), And suddenly you feel so alone; alone in yourself; in someone you've learnt to hate and to dread; so trapped by your thoughts, and so distant from the coherent professional who's reminding you to breathe. You hate her for her ignorant serenity. You tell yourself that you're being irrational, that you need to calm down and that you're fine; everything's fine. But on the surface of it all you can see the perfection you've only ever dreamed of; and you realise that fine was never _okay_, that you _need_ more than fine. You need it like you need air which is pretty ironic considering you can't breathe right now.

In a second it's like your tiny office shrinks, as if somehow you're the world's prisoner; you can practically hear the cruel laughter as it pierces the veil of thick air that swirls around you like a tornado. You try to distinguish its taste; but you're trapped in the division between bitterness and sweetness. Not sure of anything except that god hates you and so does your mother.

Finn enters then. You don't even hear him come in; you're somehow secluded by a barrier too strong to break with words or with silence. And you wish someone would hold you, and leave you, and talk to you and leave you alone. You just wish... _Will_... You need him... You need his warmth... You need his kindness; you just need him.

You know Finn's talking but you can't hear his words. You can't hear anything above the screaming you're working so hard to ignore. And it _hurts_; you see plans you've worked so hard to make disappear in a second of carelessness... of thoughtlessness and thoughtfulness. And you know that you're lost now; that the darkness is too loud to overcome with gentle words and logic. Only magic can save you now.

Nothing's _right_; nothing's even _okay, _nothing's... Perfect. And it _has _to be; you need it to be. You tell yourself that you can fix it; you can fix everything, it was your fault to start with and you can't bare watch everything fall apart in your hands.

So you do something; you pick up the first magazine, and you rip it. _Relief_. It washes over you in a flood of sweetness, yes... Sweetness; you're sure now. And it feels and it feels _so_ goodto be sure_. _But... Not good enough... In fact maybe it was never good but only good compared to bad which is really only fine. It's _fine. _Soon you're ripping every magazine in sight; tearing them brutally as if they're the soul reason for your pain. As if destroying them will make your problems disappear; you wish you could believe that, but at least you know it's worth a shot when it's all you have. And then it's not just magazines; it's everything; because if it's not right it shouldn't _be_. It can't be. _You won't let it be. _

You're voicing your fears without thinking, meeting his confused eyes and knowing he must think you're crazy. And maybe you are. Seeing as your hair's a disheveled mess; your mascara marking your white flesh in streaks of tarnished blackness and your eyes are wild when they meet his. You try to stop shaking but that's like asking the world to stop spinning, the tears to stop falling and the darkness to lighten up.

You think of Carl, and of Ken; of all your mistakes, and you realise nothing's ever been right; nothing's good enough and you _crave_ flawlessness.

You tell yourself that this is your last chance. No one will love you after Will and that has never mattered before because you know you could never love anyone else anyway. But _this_ is it. None of the other marriages, or the other men, or _anything_, has ever mattered like this. This is all you've ever wanted and you could so easily screw it up... He won't love you if it's not right. He won't love you if it's not perfect... Y_ou_ won't love you of it's not perfect.

You know you're talking still; you feel the broken syllables as they bleed from your lips. And you can hear a voice that sounds crazy even to you and you don't even recognise it as your own. But it is.

You have no idea when you started crying but right now you can't remember what happiness feels like. You don't know anything other than _this_, and you fear you never will. Honest tears fall from your eyes, scaring your cheeks brutally with a sadness you thought had been forgotten the day Will proposed. Blemishes that you've tried so hard to hide are suddenly visible and you don't know if you're ready for that kind of exposure. Because right now your walls are crumbling around you and there's no one here to catch the broken pieces of your former perfection.

There's moment when everything comes crashing down, so heavily that you're suffocating, and you wish someone would help you carry the weight of failure, or that they'd not laugh and mock. Or that they would. Because you deserve it after all. Because you're a terrible person. A terrible person who's hurt so many people. And continues to. Like Will, and your mother and that cyclist you almost hit with your car this morning... I mean what if you did hit him? What stopped you from hitting him? Luck? Is that really all that's keeping you together? _Luck?_ Something so fragile it could break at any moment… Like Ken's heart, and Carl's and Terri's; the woman whose husband you stole. And now you can't even give him what he deserves, because you're too selfish to be perfect for him, or because you're not capable of being enough.

You feel his hands on your cheeks, and you suddenly realise that they're huge, and soft, unlike the fingers that are calloused by years of guitar playing that you have grown so beautifully accustomed to. They're clammy too… _Ew_. But at least they're warm... you've never felt so cold.

He looks at you when his hands hold you so tightly; I mean really _looks _at you… And you feel exposed and vulnerable and scared. When there's nothing but concern in his eyes you still can't help but feel totally alone, and his form looming over yours you never realised he was so tall. You remember the way you felt all those years ago at the dairy farm when those tired looking men told you to calm down and you hated them for it; for not understanding, and then yourself for needing understanding, and for being so difficult to understand. You feel that way now; so very alone but hating the dirty touch of someone to close.

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7_… Finn blinks seven times before his lips meet yours, _seve_n; the last of which is extended when his eyes close at the touch of your mouths moulding together. Clumsy, warm lips that aren't... Right... They aren't right and you don't know how you feel anymore. And in this moment you can't think. You can't breathe. And you can't move. But at least you can't think. Except about thinking. And not thinking. Which I guess is better than regular thinking, for you anyway. You wish you'd stop thinking. Even if your thoughts are relatively painless, you just wish it'd stop. Because you're tired; tired of thinking, and tired of being tired of thinking.

The kiss is chase, but lasts for too long all the same, and you release a broken breath when he pulls away, eyes wide with horror.

He looks confused, and shocked, and probably everything you're feeling beneath the fear that surrounds you. And that's when he looks up. And his expression changes to one of panic, of guilt and pain. Your eyes follow his wordlessly to rest on... Will. _Will. _You wish you could speak. You don't know what you'd say but you wish it all the same. His eyes shine with confusion, with betrayal and horror, his mouth hanging slightly agape.

_You've hurt him._ The thought is violent and condescending when it surfaces, and soon it's the only one on your mind, howled in a voice shrill and malicious. He's everything that matters to you and you've _hurt him_. You can see it in his eyes that he's fighting not to break; to remain the calm Will who holds everything together. You almost wish he'd yell at you like you deserve. You wish he'd do _something_ other than look at you like you're a stranger. Right now all you can see in his eyes is cold and dead.

There's a moment that seems to last forever and yet is totally uneventful. In that eternal second Will's eyes bore searchingly into Finn's, with a deep sense of hatred you'd never seen, in a few long, lasting strides he reaches his former student, not once breaking that hateful stare.

"Get out." you hear his threatening whisper and you can't help but feel a little confused- _this is your office. _But as you flinch to move Will calls your name and his voice cracks: "not you." His eyes don't meet yours; the swift movement of his arm is the only sign that you didn't imagine his words. His fists are clenched and his jaw unbreakable, he speaks as if in pain; and he is.

Finn leaves then, quickly, silently, mouth still hanging open, and you curse the fog of tension that has been cast over the room, you find it so hard to imagine the light air that you'd grown so accustomed to.

"Wh-what what's going on?" He sounds so desperate, so vulnerable and young, and you realise he's just as lost as you are. Before you can answer he's talking again. "Emma I... Wait... Are you... Have you been crying?" Your Will is back. You recognise him now; loving and sweet and so impossibly kind that suddenly he's the man who can clean up a mess more than unfixable, and with less than the strongest disinfectant and a fresh cloth; the man who made you realise there are worse messes than that of a literal sense. It's been a while since you remembered he was the same person as _that _Will. In an ever changing world it's hard to remember he stands still in its revolving.

You feel the little strength that remains shattering at his compassion and you collapse into a mess of tears and wordless whimpers, somehow you find yourself in his strong embrace, his hands soothing when he strokes you hair softly with whispers of sweetness and nothingness. And you can't help but cry harder at his compassion, because you know you don't deserve it. Still he holds you, almost too tightly, as if he fears you might slip away. Or perhaps he is trying to hold you together; when really it's him who's falling apart.

He pulls away to look at you when eventually your sobs subside, and a single tear falls when you see the concern trapped in his stare. His words are laced with an innocent sweetness when he asks, "What's going on Emma?" And you have to choke back more tears as you whisper, "Finn... He..." You take a shuddering breath when his grip tightens on your arms. And go for a different approach. "Th-the centre piece... I-it was fine..." You trail off, and he gives you a bewildered look so you carry on, "I-I need things to be m-more than fine." Your fears melt under Will's sympathetic stare; the love and understanding that rains from his watery gaze is enough to breathe again. And you suddenly find yourself feeling foolish.

"I just... I don't want to mess this up again."

Will smiles sadly at your words. Stroking your cheek tenderly when he says "As long as I'm getting married to you I don't care about anything else, that's why I said the centre piece was fine... Because all the little details are fine to me, I mean… They're perfect... It's just that we could get married in a forest with you in a paper bag and me in a codpiece... Our centre piece could be a pinecone... And I wouldn't care so long as you were my bride..." You almost laugh then, almost, but not quite, looking away from his intense stare for a moment to collect your thoughts...

"Now, could you tell me what's going on with Finn because seriously he is turning into me, and I'd find it flattering but while I may be happy to share my love of vests... I don't think I could share you..." Despite his teasing manor, and the slight smile that lines his features, there's a seriousness in his eyes that tells you he's worried.

"He... He saw me panicking and he tried to calm me down... but... I, um, it wasn't working so h-he... kissed me..." You wait for the anger, for the shouting and the sadness, but there's nothing. Except an unfamiliar cloud of emotion that tints his eyes slightly... Jealousy? Anger? You can practically hear his blood boiling. It seems as if every wall that had crumbled under your tears was rising from the rubble once again; fuelled but the anger in Will's eyes.

"But, I-it wasn't his fault, well, I mean, it didn't mean anything... He just wanted to help..." You're lost; begging now, praying for forgiveness for a mistake you didn't choose.

Just as you think maybe it's all over he captures you in his arms once again and you regret even thinking such thoughts; Will is _not_ capable of hatred. Even if you deserve it. "I'll talk to Finn." He mumbles into your hair, and you clutch him to you when you say, "please, please don't be angry with him; he was just trying to help."

Will pulls back to stare into your eyes despairingly, "Emma, he took advantage of you when you were vulnerable." Will speaks as if to a child, shaking you gently by the shoulders as he does so.

"It wasn't like that!" you shriek, a hand flying to catch the words as they fall from your lips. You take a quivering step backwards, your eyes widening in panic. And Will looks at you with an expression and a stance you can't understand.

And then does something you never expected him to do. A gentle finger, callused by years of guitar playing, touches your lips softly, and your heart beat falters as you're taken back to your first kiss, which suddenly doesn't seem so long ago. When your eyes find his they gaze back at you devotedly, mirroring every emotion you're feeling in that moment. His strong hands wind around your waist, in a loving gesture so fast it barley happens, and he lifts your falling body to his own. Drawing you from out from the darkness, and from everything that hurts, with an embrace so strong and loving, that you know you're not alone. You know what you have is magic.

You cling to him for dear life because he's your entire world, and for a minute there you thought you'd lost him, his lips crass to your own somehow both sweetly and desperately, you melt into his lips and clutch to his arms helplessly.

He pulls away after a moment and touches your tears softly, brushing away any remittance of sadness when you whisper that you're sorry, and he gently tells you that it's not your fault; that this is no one's mistake and that he's sorry for leaving you. You wish you could do more than just stare at him in total awe; you wish you could tell him how truly amazing he is; how honestly he's saved you and continues to with every breath. Instead you capture his lips with your own, fighting to erase the taste of another man, fighting to get back to _right. _

He pulls away to look at you for a moment, staring into your eyes as if he holds the entire world in his hands. And for the first time you think that maybe you're his, as he is yours. And then he reveals something you'd never thought of before. A side of Will you'd never know. And you think that maybe he isn't so perfect after all.

"I'm sorry I got mad… but… I just…" Will sighs, looking around your small office as if for the words to speak. He seemed to find then because after a moment he continues. "The idea of anyone else touching you… It kills me Emma."

Gently, he caches a lock of red hair between his fingertips, stroking the silky strand with a sense of self sureness and peace. Before he carefully tucks the lose strand behind your ear with a small smile.

"I've wanted to do that since I walked in." He murmurs; eyes trained on his hand which remains touching your hair ever so softly.

You attempt to form a response but you find yourself too stunned to speak, confused by his sudden mood change, so you forgive yourself and let Will carry on; he seems perfectly happy to talk this time, when it's usually you speaking of doubt and fear. You'd help him with words if his every move didn't leave you speechless.

"I love your hair..." He whispers, a little too sincerely, with a distant, dreamy look in his eyes, one which quickly fades. "... Did he...Did he touch your hair, Emma?" You meet his eyes with your wide ones, silently begging him not to ask such a question. But his gaze remains unfaltering, unfazed. And you find yourself breathing a breathless "yes..." before you can stop yourself.

You see him tense considerably, and you almost feel guilty, wondering if you should have lied to protect him, but then you realise that you couldn't have stopped yourself if you tried; you're totally under his spell.

"I'm sor-" you start to apologise but Will cuts you off before you can finish with a husky whisper of "stop talking Emma." You stop abruptly, eyes searching his; they're dark, darker than you've ever known; filled with love and… lust, yes; _lust_. His arms are around you again, holding you gently as he rains soft kisses over your cheeks, dusting the softness with his touch, and you think you feel him smirk against your skin when you shiver in anticipation. His thumbs rest just bellow your ribcage, stroking so softly, and you're sure you'll burn through the material if he carries on touching you like _that_.

"_Emma_…" You gasp when you hear the growled hum of your name, his voice is gravely and you _know_ you're cheeks are red when he pulls away a few minutes later; he seems to be satisfied, if that's the right word, almost laughing at your expression when he continues to place sweet kisses over your pink cheeks. And his lips move down to your ear, leavening a trail of hot kissed in their wake "you're mine Emma..." You shudder at his words, knowing they're true but he has you breathless all the same, just by the mere intensity of his eyes.

"I'm so I'm love with you..." You brokenly choke his name when his caresses lead him to your pulse point, and he's worshiping you with his lips… _Is that his tongue?_ And then you're shaking, sure he wants to leave a mark, but far from complaining.

"He won't touch you again... Now everyone will know that you're mine..." Your hands are on his back, drawing him closer, and as your nails claw desperately into his cotton covered flesh, you're sure that you hear him darkly growl your name. Suddenly fearful that you'll burst into flames right then and there... And with all the bridal magazines in the room that would be a total disaster... And then another thought crosses your mind...

"W-ill..." He hears the disjointed purr of his name and thinks it a plea to reconnect his lips with yours. Will pulls away to look at you after a moment of his mouth seducing yours so deliciously, his eyes are dark and ferocious when he takes in your swollen, pink lips. "…Will... We, we ne-need to stop..." You manage. His response is a low mumble you can't quite make out, and a particularly hard nip against your collar bone, which causes a high pitched gasp to escape you lips. This time you're certain you hear him chuckle against your rosy skin.

"Th-the door... It-its glass..." Will sighs at your words, and regretfully leaves his spot on your neck, taking his time to softly kiss every bite mark he's left with a smirk and a strange sense of pride, as he makes his way towards your crimson face again.

"Beautiful." He mutters, mostly to himself, when his eyes admire your scarlet cheeks, your wild hair. And you bite your lip shyly, flushing further when he cups your cheeks tenderly and gazes into your eyes with a look of total adoration.

"And yours." You smile at the truth in your words, and softly trace the line of his strong jaw, marvelling in its strength; he makes you feel so safe. "And you're mine." You add after a moment of admiring the man who is yours with a blissful smile, he smiles back with a sincere whisper of "yours." and places his large hand over your smaller one. You recognise the feeling's washing over you like a great, adamant wave; tiptoeing, whispering, quietly deferential when it becomes your everything in a second of spectacular strength...

You still can't help but feel the tickle of something in-between recognisable emotion; because it's hard to describe until you feel it. Until you start to wonder how it is that you're breathing still, when he's not always been there to gasp for. And gradually you calmly carry on, as if it's always been this way; every breath is unimportant, because it's not the moment itself but the lifetime of happiness it becomes over time that is worth dying for, all that matters is that with every breath you have a reason; as if you've always been living on magic instead of air.

Later that night you're cuddled up in bed together when Will thanks you for being honest with him, though you both know you couldn't have lied. Still you don't protest as the words are whispered into your hair. And you say that you're sorry again, In-between sobs that seem to come too easily and meaningless words that mean more than simply what they say. You know it's more than just your tears that stain his and your cheeks. He pulls away first, and chooses his words carefully with a sad smile that you know isn't just... Right... You know nothing's perfect, but you think that maybe that's okay, because you've got something more than flawlessness.

"It's fine." He whispers, mostly just so you'll stop talking. So he can be alone with his thoughts, and with the woman he'd come to recognise only out of his dreams of perfection. But what you don't know is he loves you more; more than that childish dream of perfection, more than any dream he's ever known and more than anything. Because over time you've become his, and he's become yours, and he knows that perfection is nothing compared to the magic you have. He just hopes that you do too.

"_You may now kiss the bride" You smile at your husband almost shyly, even after all this time, and he responds by affectionately winding his arms around your waist and capturing your lips with his, at some point you register his hands tangled in your hair and yours grasping at his white dress shirt. The loud claps of your friends and family remind you where you are, and when he pulls away Will rests his forehead against yours and grins cheekily whispering "why hello Mrs. Schuester…" in a hushed tone, you giggle coyly at his wide grin, blushing a deep shade of red when he winks mischievously. He takes your hand in his, squeezing tenderly when he whispers "I'm so glad you're _my_ beautiful bride." And you're_ so _glad you're his._

"_She's got her mother's eyes." Will grins contently, and you nuzzle your way further into his chest when his arm tightens around you. You look down at your beautiful daughter and your heart swells with love. "She's got your curls." You beam happily, winding a single red lock around your smallest finger proudly. "Ah but she's a red-head just like her mother." Will chuckles, nudging you playfully. You laugh back, "She has your dopey smile." His response is that charming lopsided grin that makes the air catch in your throat, the world stop spinning. When eventually you remember how to breathe you laugh his innocent expression before adding "I love your smile." Will chuckles breezily; "and I love you."_

"_Okay so your lunch is in your bag, you're in miss Shade's class, I'm picking you up at half two, and the school's got my phone number if you need me for any reason..." You trail off when Will comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist; you melt into his embrace instantly. "I'll be fine mummy." Lily soothes as Will loving kisses your hair. You look at your daughter with anxious eyes that soon cloud with pride when she smiles warmly and nods, auburn curls bouncing as she does so. She looks so tiny in her oversized uniform and her Cinderella rucksack is almost the same size as she is. But she seems totally unfazed, eager even, eyes that match yours are wide with excitement and a dreamy haze you hope never fades. You laugh at her calmness and beckon her over to you, stepping out of your husband's hold and crouching slightly so that you can wrap Lily into your arms, nesting your face in her messy red curls when she snuggles into you happily. And then you feel a pair of stronger, larger arms surrounding you both; you smile peacefully before turning slightly to face Will, "She'll be fine." He grins sincerely with a smile you're so glad he gave Lily. You return his smile honestly, nodding trustingly. _

_Yes, everything would be just fine._

**So, what did you think? This chapter turned out a lot longer than I expected it to… And I ended up creating a new character… and writing in 2****nd**** person… And in the highest rating I've ever written… I don't really know what happened there! But it would really mean a lot to hear from you guys! Thanks for reading! **_**:)**_


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter, you guys really keep me motivated!**_** :)**_** I'm sorry I'm being so slow at updating; I'm just really busy at the moment! This chapter is a prompt from Moonbike "Could you write a chapter on the Britney Spears song Inside out?" Girl loves her some Britney! ;) Thanks for the prompt; I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

_By night they were veiled by the blackness, oblivious to the truth of the blinding sun, with only a glimmer of that kind of shimmering beauty; they found solace in the stars; bright and unstoppable, never ending even for death itself, the stars outlived the frightful vengeance of the day and glittered throughout every mournful night of nothing. They realised one night of every night, and every other promised; that they had found the light of a thousand stars in each other's wistful stare._

Will's POV

"Would you... Would you like to... Come for dinner tonight? A-at my place... I don't know as like a goodbye? I-I completely understand I-"

"I'd love to." I cut off her rambling with a soft smile; I was going to miss that. There was so much I was going to miss, so much that I was starting to wonder why I had to miss it to begin with, why I wanted to be a star when I only shine for her.

"Hi."

I arrived at exactly eight o'clock. Well, actually I arrived almost half an hour early, but I spent most, okay, all, of that time pacing the hallway of Emma's apartment nervously. I just wanted this to be perfect. It was scary how easily I could say the wrong thing, how without realising I could upset her, maybe by bringing up something from our past, when all I wanted was _right now_, because I didn't know what would happen next year, or even tomorrow, only that I wanted _this, us,_ if only for a tonight. I wanted to pretend this was the first; like there were no mistakes, just us; just for once with no complications. But the minute she opened the door I knew this was much more than simple.

"Hi." My restrained smile was a total failure. The minute I saw her a familiar kind of warmth washed over me, and I couldn't help but grin madly. It was hard not to smile though. Emma was literally glowing. And the thought that she'd done all of this or me... Well that made it hard to simply smile the best I could, when I wanted to give her so much more than the best.

Maybe it was the way she was dressed; a bright yellow blouse, detailed with ruffled frills and a sun and moon broach, soft curls of auburn rested neatly on the delicate material. Her skirt and cardigan, on the other hand, were a contrast of alternate blue, fading from light to dark across the material as if the sky itself lay there. But there was not a star in sight. I smirked at the tiny belt of yellow that wrapped around her small waist that was just so Emma. The most opposite of colours and emotions somehow made sense; somehow matched.

"Wo-would you like to come in?" The edges of her pink lips raised in a tiny smile of amusement. I'd been staring. It was like I was young and newly divorced and she was the sweet guidance councilor with a school girl crush. It was _exactly_ like that.

"I'd love to." Her lip was bitten so hard I feared it'd draw blood, and still her eyes glittered when they met mine. She turned with a glance that kept our gases locked until it had to be broken, and I followed her willingly into the living room, led more by the sweet scent of her perfume than by anything else.

"Oh, I got these for you..." I said it as if I'd forgotten. When really I'd spent every moment that wasn't lost in her eyes waiting for the right moment to offer her the lilies I'd spend so long choosing (roses were too cliché, but the other flowers reminded me too much of the ones I'd brought her after she found out about the... incident, with Shelby).

Emma turned to meet my stare, looking from the lilies I held hopefully to my coy expression.

"Oh, Will, you didn't have to do that!" If I could see _that_ smile every time I brought flowers, then I'd make it my lifelong dream to fill her entire house with every kind of tulips, roses, orchids, carnations; whatever I found would cause the most beautiful of beams to grace her features.

"I wanted to." I whispered a little too honestly; forever, was the minor detail I'd missed.

"Well thank you, that was very sweet of you." We were like strangers; two people who didn't know how to act around each other, but not because we didn't know each other; quite the opposite; because we knew each other too well.

It seemed so pointless tiptoeing around each other as if we were afraid, when the only fear was in how deeply we'd fallen, and how inconvenient the timing was... But now I think of it... Was there ever a perfect time to fall I love?

In that moment, just looking at her, standing so carefully with her fingers interlocked and gaze pointed shyly downwards, everything seemed to make sense.

"Emma... I..." _How do you thank someone who's changed your life forever?_

"Will, before you say anything I wanted to ask you something."

"Okay..."

"I know that you're leaving tomorrow. And I'm so happy for you. But I was wondering if tonight we could just... Forget about tomorrow and the future and just... Have one night, just for us?" The honestly in her watery eyes broke my heart, the desperation and sadness was enough to forget everything and be whatever she needed.

"What did you have in mind?" I breathed as I inched my way closer, until it was as if every inch of my body was pressed against hers, my warm breath tickling her pink skin teasingly... If I tilted my head, just slightly, our lips would touch... And she looked too soft, so untouched and unloved. I wanted to love her the way she deserved.

"Dinner?" She squeaked and I couldn't help but chuckle adoringly.

"That sounds perfect."

"So if Sue ever offers you a cat, just say no, because she will punch you." I grinned at her over the meticulously arranged plates. And wondered if I'd get to see the day she felt safe enough place the cutlery thoughtlessly, I wondered more if I'd be there to tell her how amazing she was.

Emma awarded me with a melodic laugh, and a response of "I'll keep that over mind." Before she scanned her plate, seeming to consider it's standard.

She looked at me with large eyes when I said "It's delicious, everything is... Perfect." I regretted using that word so often. But it seemed that whenever Emma sprung to mind the word I desired was no less than flawless, and I loved telling her; watching as her face lit up with happiness and for the first time in a long time, she looked totally content.

"Thank you." Her pink tongue poked put to wet her lips nervously, she broke my gaze after a moment of silence.

"You ready to go?" It wasn't two seconds from the moment the last plate was positioned carefully in the cupboard that I chirped the words. Emma glanced up, eyeing me quizzically as she subconsciously assessed the room, surveying the area for the slightest hint of uncleanliness or untidiness.

"Where are we going?" Her brow was knitted with confusion and I smiled innocently.

"Just thought we could make the most of this night... if it's going to be the last one... There's so much left undone and I thought tonight we could... Make up for all that lost time..." I grinned sheepishly.

"What did you have in mind?" She repeated sweetly.

"Would you please tell me where we're going?" I chuckled softly; "no way Emma." She sighed with mock annoyance, my hands still covering her eyes for a moment before I spoke again, peeling them away as she said "Wha- what...?" Emma started with a wide eyed glance my way. I gave her my best nonchalant smile, "follow my lead, Cinderella..." She took the hand I offered willingly and I squeezed her smaller hand in mine, grinning at how perfectly they fit; had always fit, as if it'd always been that way.

"I've made a list of all the wonderful moments I wish I could share with you... Like a bucket list I guess!" I waved the list in my hand, grinning wildly at the ever calm Emma. Who was now gazing at her surroundings open mouthed. She stared at the stage quizzically.

"And I've found a way to make it into one night you'll never forget." I finished as we came to halt. "Here we my lady!" I grinned with a cheeky wink, motioning to the picnic she'd been eyeing with such wonderment... "I figured you wouldn't be one for parks..." "Y-you did all this for me?" She chocked, hand on her heart, and I gazed at her beautiful, big eyes, now filled with such awe. I'd waited so long to see her look at me like that again, and I've waited forever if I had to just to see up the smile she gave me when I whispered sincerely "I'd go on a thousand dates with you if I could. And that's what I intend to do tonight." With a final watery beam Emma crouched on the checked blanket I'd laid out meticulously and I admired her for a moment before sitting by her side. It was with a sheepish grin and a hesitant stare that I asked "do you wanna go halfsies on a PP&J?" She smiled back; that wonderfully happy smile that I'd missed so much; that I would miss so much, but I didn't have to... "That sounds perfect."

Emma's POV

"Oh, I forgot something." Will broke the silence abruptly, and I looked up from the spot my eyes had taken on his hand, resting so close to mine... That if I wanted to... I could reach out and touch it... Instead I questioned him with the tilt of my head, covering my mouth softly as I swallowed the bite of PB&J I'd taken. Will seemed to have found a remote from somewhere, because in a flash it was in his hand, and he was grinning like an excited child, as he had been all night. "What do you think?" My eyes widened as I rose from my seated position. Gazing at the now star filled sky, or star filled ceiling. The lights were dimmed to nothing and suddenly it was as if the entire room had become engulfed with darkness and glittering in the abyss were a million tiny stars. I span around to face him, tears welling up in my eyes, and I had to fight not to fall apart right there. With everything I'd ever wanted staring me in the eyes, promising me forever with his sincere gaze, his lips remained unmoving, not promising for the fear of lying. He walked towards slowly me as a familiar song came into the radio. With at his final step Will curled his strong arms around my waist and pulled me closer, and I gasped a stolen breath and stared at him from underneath thick lashes. "Is this okay?" He asked hesitantly, eyes mirroring mine when they reflected such hopeful doubt.

This is..." _Wonderful, beautiful, perfect..._ "Fine..." I smiled at his responding grin, that painfully charming, lopsided grin that I wanted to see every day for the rest of my life. It was becoming almost vital; swooning over that smile was as much a part of my daily ritual as bumping into Will at 8:15, and sitting down for lunch with him on Wednesdays, Fridays and Mondays... Because I had SAT prep to finish on Thursdays and he ran lunchtime detention on Tuesdays... Now that I think about it Will _was_ my routine. Because he'd found a way to become a part of every daily activity, whether it was calling me every night before I fell asleep, just to remind me that I'd promised to have lunch with him the next day, and then to chat for hours until one of us fell asleep with a blissful smile. Or walking me to me car every night, even those that I stayed late on, in which he'd come into my office with a boyish grin and an extra large cup of coffee and pot of cookies he'd just happened to have in his office... But I knew he never liked fruit and nut.

As if sensing my thoughts Will pulled me closer yet. But not close enough... Would he ever hold me close enough? I wanted to be so close I couldn't breathe without him, so close it was dangerous to break away; so close we were one.

_"Said you're gonna be here in a minute_

_Sitting in the mirror getting pretty_

_Gotta look my best if we're gonna break up_

_Gotta look my best if we're gonna break up_

_I can hear you knocking on the front door and I know exactly what you came for_

_Trying to say goodbye but it's hot and heavy_

_Trying to say goodbye but it's hot and heavy_

_You touch me and it's breaking me down, and me down, and me down, and me down_

_I'm telling you, let's just give it up and get down, and get down, and get down_

_So come on!"_

I swallowed deeply at the lyrics, sensing Will's strong stare on mine but refusing to bring my eyes back to his. What was his promise? A lie of denial? I needed truth and regret; I needed a reason to forget. His pledge was neither desired nor true. But forever was.

Will kissed the top of my head softly and my eyes fluttered closed for a moment of disrupted vulnerability. When I opened them again Will was pulling away and I fought the urge to reach for him. "What are you doing?" I asked just above a whisper, after a second he turned. Will shook his head with a knowing smile and jogged towards me eagerly, one hand reaching out and taking mine as he lead me towards the door.

I was beyond asking him where we were going, not that I cared. Somehow it turned out that we were running though the park, freely, wildly; me in my best heels and Will his best grin. I managed to take a fleeing glance his way before we reached the end of the park, and what I saw was something I'd only seen line his features a few times; total happiness. As life he knew he was exactly where he should be in that moment. Too caught up with my thoughts I almost tripped but Will saved me before I could fall, grasping my hand tighter with a soft smile when he was sure I was safe. Before sending me a devilish smirk and lifting me from the ground with the swift movement of his arms, and before I could respond I was in his arms, "wh-..." Will interrupted before I could finish; "stop thinking for once Emma." I shook my head at this, speechless but not thoughtless as he would hope. I didn't care; I was weightless in his arms; safe suspended in the cloudy air. Will turned with me still safely in his hold, before placing me down; regretfully I missed the warmth of his touch. I looked around for a moment before he joined me in the... _Boat... _"Would you please just tell me what's going on?" I attempted to rationalise with him but that knowing smirk still lined his lips and features with a confidence that made me forget what I was even worried about.I forgot the minute the boat... No... Canoe, started moving, and the water danced around us so gracefully, stars shining just for us, the moon shimmering in the lake and in the sky, the reflection so strong it was near to impossible to remember where the sky stopped and the water began.

Will's POV

"It's beautiful..." Emma gushed; face tilted to the sky, eyes sparkling with its reflection, large and dreamy in the glowing moonlight.

"You are." I whispered, _did I just say that out loud? _I looked away bashfully when she turned to meet my stare. And then her soft hand reached out to touch mine, "sorry I just had to make sure you were real." I turned over my hand slowly, when I felt her hesitant touch. Welcoming her with equal fear and sincerity. She smiled softly and I squeezed her hand in mine, "hi." She grinned with a sweet sigh; "hi."

She didn't even bother asking questions when we arrived at the cinema. She simply followed my lead only slightly surprise when Harry, a former student, appeared and handed me a preordered popcorn, sweets and an extra large drink with two straws. I grinned at her with a wink, offering my arm when she giggled light heartedly threading her arm through mine just as the doors opened. I started to speak again when we took out seats in the empty cinema, "Harry bargained with the owner... Apparently his dad goes golfing with him or something." Emma nodded trustingly, a single question fell from her pink lips before they closed around her straw. "What are we watching?" I shook my head silently, pointing to the large screen when the lights dimmed and the screen cast its bright light. Emma turned slowly, wearing still the shadow of her smile.

Out if nowhere came the final scene of _it's a wonderful life_, I caught Emma's confused stare but sent her only a playful grin before turning back to the film. Then when the music had at last faded and Emma began to speak again the next scene lit up the screen; the scene from _castaway_, where Wilfred the coconut is lost at sea, Emma had once told me that that scene out of every other was the one that made her cry every time. Again the music dimmed and then glowed, and another film began, part of the film _when Harry met Sally_ and then _the godfather_, _the wizard of oz_, _titanic_ and finally, the I could've danced all night scene from _my fair lady_. I caught Emma's gaze at the last one, holding it for as long as I dared, as long as possible without falling too deep into her watery stare. "Will... That was..." I smiled when her arms flanked at her side, moments after they'd been searching mindlessly in the air. "Thank you." I nodded understandingly. Wishing I could spend hours watching every one of her favourite films in a living room that would be ours, by the glow of a flickering flame, her legs draped carelessly over mine and a soft blanket covering us both; but that's just something off the top of my head.

I never imagined it would be so easy to get Emma Pillsbury to take public transport; or to go bowling... But she did; for me. Although sat so close to me on the bus she was practically sat in my lap she was there, and to be honest I was glad she was as close as she was; she wasn't close enough. Still my heart fluttered at the idea of fearful Emma Pillsbury sitting next to a suspicious looking homeless man and asking him where he was going so late at night, on a bus that looked questionable even to me, and smiling all the way, her fingers threaded through mine so naturally.

"And now you put your fingers in the holes and you... Emma?" Despite me bringing my own bowling ball; one which I had cleaned harshly; to an Emma-like standard, I could still sense Emma's anxiety rising. She let out a sigh of frustration; I calmly wound my arms around her waist, as if I had any right to. The way she melted into my touch told me she didn't mind. And then I held the hand that had the bowling ball in, gently guiding it back as I shifted our position to a better angle. Trying not to look as if I was blurring my face into her hair as obviously as I was, but for a moment I was captivated by the sweet scent of her perfume and the warmth of holding her so closely. "Will?" Emma's soft voice brought me out of my daze, "Hmm? Oh yeah! Sorry..." She giggled gently, and I thought I saw her relax further when my hands trailed without permission, and they were stroking the silk material at her hips in a way so natural I wondered if I hadn't been doing this my whole life. Finally, I moved our arms to let the ball roll, sending it flying with a few final words of encouragement. Emma turned to me shyly when the ball had struck, as if waiting for instruction.

"Ever had pizza in a bowling alley?"

"You've got to sing, it's a tradition! And it's on the list..." bargained, not knowing how I was even talking coherently when she was perched so primly on the plush red sofa, slice of pizza in hand; beautiful. And what the moment all the more wonderful was that there had been moments, no matter how fleeting, in which I'd lost all hope of ever seeing her this way_. _I'd never seenjust Emma; the real Emma; the girl without hand sanitizer or and plastic gloves, without any form of protection or any fear to shield herself from; just a girl, innocent and naive and flirty and free; a lover of classic films and surprising music; who sung when she was happy and cried when she was sat; caring more for the cause of heartbreak than the trails of mascara that ran down her cheeks… And who loved endlessly; who I loved endlessly.

"For me?" Emma looked up from her drink, lips still wrapped neatly around her straw, her eyes widened, more so than usual, as she was if seeing everything for the first time. Her hands remained clutching her plastic cup; mine so close to hers I could so easily brush my hand against hers without anything to question... She bit the straw delicately with a soft smile, releasing it when she said; "for you."

The music started and I found my hand close to hers again, only this time I didn't try to overcome the need to touch her. I let my hand find hers, clutching it softly with a sincere smile at her fearful expression, and I squeezed I before bringing the microphone to my mouth with my other hand, and starting to sing;

_"Won't you give me something to remember?_

_Baby, shut your mouth and turn me inside out_

_Even though we couldn't last forever, baby, you know what I want right now_

_Hit me one more time, it's so amazing how you shook my world and flipped it upside down_

_You're the only one who ever drove me crazy 'cause you know me inside out_

_Inside out..."_

I gazed at Emma, begging her to hear me, and she did; loud and clear. But the truth was a lie and she knew it. The lyrics were so wrong and so right. Just when I thought she'd run from the fear, from the widening in her eyes and the quickening in her breathing...She stayed.

_"I know that we probably shouldn't do this_

_Wake up in the morning feeling stupid_

_Said that we were done but you're all up on me_

_Said that we were done but you're all up on me_

_Tell me how we got in this position_

_Guess I gotta get you out my system_

_Trying to let you go but it's not that easy_

_Trying to let you go but it's not that easy_

_You touch me and it's breaking me down, and me down, and me down, and me down_

_I'm telling you, let's just give it up and get down, and get down, and get down_

_So come on!"_

Emma sang sweetly, her angelic clashing beautifully with her words. She bit her lip playfully when I sang the next verse,

_"Won't you give me something to remember?_

_Baby, shut your mouth and turn me inside out_

_Even though we couldn't last forever, baby, you know what I want right now_

_Hit me one more time, it's so amazing how you shook my world and flipped it upside down_

_You're the only one who ever drove me crazy 'cause you know me inside out_

_Inside out..."_

Emma giggled when our eyes met, and she took in my awestruck expression. I grinned back when I'd caught the breath I'd forgotten to take. And with the final line I span her into my arms, watching with starry eyes as her skirts fanned out around her and I noticed a glimmer of yellow beneath the layers of blue darkness, she smiled carelessly. And I realised with a light heart, that it was me who'd made her this way; it was me who'd given her the strength to shine.

_"Won't you give me something to remember?_

_Baby, shut your mouth and turn me inside out_

_Even though we couldn't last forever, baby (baby), you know what I want right now_

_Hit me one more time, it's so amazing how you shook my world and flipped it upside down_

_You're the only one who ever drove me crazy 'cause you know me inside out" _

I sang the last line softly, head tilted down to gaze meaningfully at hers, when she looked at me with adoring eyes, that held so much more than the promise of _one_ perfect night. My heart swelled when her beautiful voice joined mine, _"out, out, out, out, out..."_, and our gaze remained locked, wide and trusting and so weak; so dependant. It was impossible to think of a day without a lifetime trapped in her stare... And more importantly I didn't want to. I don't know whether it was then, or if there ever was a moment that I knew, that forever was last on my list.

Emma's POV

It was long past midnight by the time we got back to my apartment. In fact it was long past midnight when we arrived at the museum, one of the last "dates", on Will's list. And possibly my favourite; although I didn't care much for history, or for the artwork Will made a point to show me, I was gloriously happy to be dragged through each stunning exhibition, even with little time to gaze in wonderment, I wondered why I'd never seen the place as beautiful before; the carefully stretched pencil drawings were suddenly so full of colour and light; and I realised with a smile that it was Will who'd made them that way, with his passionate description of its design and creation, I found myself falling under the spell of such beauty, in a few fleeting seconds after which we quickly dashed to the next painting. It was almost painful to move from the next; a water colour painting of a New York landscape. Surprisingly Will left easily, almost looking to in with a surprising amount of pain; I never realised the pale blueness of it could inflict such sadness.

"I really don't think I've ever eaten this much in one night..." I laughed brightly, Will's hand pressed lightly again my back, protecting, guiding.

I turned when we got to my door, not really knowing what to say next; looking to Will for the answers when he was just as clueless as I was. "I had a really great time tonight Will... I haven't had this much fun in... Well... ever!" I smiled honestly.

"The night's not over yet, Emma."

"It's not?" I questioned his serious expression with my confused one.

"There are two more things on the list." Will smiled, his signature lopsided grin, and I wondered how I was meant to spend a day without a lifetime of pent up hope and expectation fading to nothing at the twitch of his lips; of every ounce of the crazy that I called myself disappearing to lose someone who was simply in love. Who the phrase _"simply in love" _would irritate endlessly, as it was truly not enough. Not enough to explain the feeling that surfaced when he called before she fell asleep, or the smile that came with every fruit and nut cookie he brought and every fleeing grin she wished would stay. She didn't want to run anymore; I didn't want to run anymore, because it had turned out that every time I stood still there _he _was, waiting, unmovingly, as permanent as the starts that lit our every midnight phone call.

"I never liked fruit and nut, I know you'll have lunch with me because you always do and I don't need to stay on Tuesday nights but I haven't seen you all day and I can't spend one day not seeing you... Even if it's just to walk you to your car..." The words tumbled for his lips in a rush.

"I know." Was my soft reply, and Will looked up, his words laced with surprise when he said "you knew?"

"I knew... but... I could've taken my paperwork home... I could've said goodbye after you asked if I'd have lunch with you... But instead I asked you if you'd seen the latest segment of Sue's corner... And I've park my car adjacent to yours ever since I came to McKinley... Because some days the only time I get to see you is when you leave or arrive... I don't want to spend a day without you Will... But I can... if you need me to." _Say you need _me_. _I prayed my soundless begging fell silent; I needed to know I was needed; really needed and not simply desired, as the words of the song screamed.

"Broadway may be the direction I'm looking in now but you're the reason I'm even looking... Before you I didn't even know how to dream... And now I'm losing track of what even matters... The last thing on my list can't be completed in just one night... Or even two or three..."

"You'd better stay until you complete it then..." I nodded, trying to hide the smile that threatened to break my fragile facade, when all I wanted to do was fall into his arms and stay there forever.

"I better had..." He nodded in agreement.

"For now you could..." I stared at the paper in his hand in wonderment.

"Finish the second to last one?" Will finished.

"Yeah..."

Will pulled me closer by the velvety material of my golden coat, and I gasped in a mixture of shock and expectation, that quickly faded when his eyes met mine; devoted and determined. One of his large hands reached out to cup my cheek, striking and softly; I wondered how someone so strong could be so tender and gentle when they had such power; so much potential and yet he wanted this; he wanted me, needed me. My eyes fluttered closed when I felt his lips close to mine, his light breath on my flesh enough to make my knees weak, my heart beating so loud I was sure he could hear the disrupted sound as it echoed deeply. And in a second that stretched to a thousand his lips crashed to mine so delicately, and so desperately, I wasn't sure where both words came together to form the perfect touch. My hands reached out to clutch at his pale blue shirt, our flesh molding together so perfectly and so cruelly; because this wasn't a promise of forever.

"What's last on the list?" I gasped when at last we pulled apart, his arms still wrapped warmly around my body in a gesture that left me feeling safe and vulnerable at the same time. I realised I needed to know, I wasn't strong enough not to fall apart when he wasn't there to hold me.

"Have dinner with me?"

"What, now?" I asked incredulously.

Will laughed, as if my question was a silly one when we'd been on seven dates that night.

"Tomorrow... and the next night and the next; forever."

_What?_ I scanned his face for any hint of doubt; any sign of sorrow or confusion. "What about Broadway? What about living your dream? What about being a star?" I shook my head tiredly, waiting to wake up alone.

Wills hands cupped my own protectively, as they had many times before, and would many times after; and every time I'd know _this_ is where I was meant to be. I nodded when he touched my cheek softly, catching a tear as it fell, and promised like I never would've dreamed, even when I had nothing but hope, and fear, and the gaze of a starry eyed lover; _this_ was everything; he promised nothing, but he didn't need to; everything was enough.

**Okay so these chapters seem to be getting longer and longer… I hope that's a good thing and not a "stop rambling I'm bored!" thing… Thanks for reading, don't forget to review!**_** :)**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you to everyone who's still reading this fic! And to you those of you who review your opinions mean so much so thank you!**

**The last chapter was posted at a silly time so some of you guys might have missed it; it'd be great if you could check it out if you haven't already! **

**This is a prompt from JaymaliciousForeva "Can you write a chapter on the scene from Girls (And The Boys) On Film Please?" Thanks for the prompt I hope you enjoy the chapter! **_**:)**_

"So, what's next?"_ Emma asked with fear tinted eyes. Her hair was straighter than it was the last time I'd seen her; hanging limply just past her shoulders. She looked tired, older, somehow. And I found myself wondering when she'd last had a good night's sleep and cursing myself for causing her to have even one restless night. She shivered at a particularly strong gust of wind and pulled her coat tighter around her. It was the same coat she'd worn when she kissed my cheek and went home to another man; it was the same coat she wore when my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. And I hated myself for loving her more._

_"I... Emma I really don't know..." She looked down hopelessly, auburn hair shielding her lovely expressive eyes from my gaze. Suddenly she was the sweet Emma again; the one who hadn't changed over time, even when I deserved bitterness. She was the breath of fresh air that I lived to gasp for so desperately. And I was the tired, loveless dreamer who had never felt so loved as he did under her sightless stare. _

_"But what I do know... Is that I've loved you from the minute you smiled at me from across the hall... And I know that I've never stopped since then... Not even for a second..." _

_She blinked from behind a curtain of red, I held her gaze unfalteringly, as I wondered if she'd always be so sweetly guarded, or if there was more. I knew there was. I'd seen on occasions. When she wore my old shirts like a dress, one that revealed just enough of the silky skin of her creamy thigh, to leave me feeling lightheaded, when she danced barefoot around the kitchen on hazy Sunday mornings to Abba, her hair gloriously messy, wispy streaks falling carelessly from its lose bun, her eyes innocent and wide, but her pink lower lip bitten playfully when she brought me a plate of warm French toast_.

_"And I know I always will, no matter what." _

_A broken sob erupted from between her slightly parted pink lips, and her hand flew to muffle the painful sound as it echoed defiantly. After a moment of failed composure Emma spoke with watery eyes and a shuddered whisper of, "Even after what I did to you? Even after I hurt you so many times; after everything we've been through..." _

_We'd go through so much more together, I knew we would; and I wasn't dreading the midnight cries of our first child, or the panic attack that followed our second's first day at school. I couldn't wait to hold her dreaming form, so pure and precious, and so much a part of the woman I loved. My heart swelled at Emma's care for our son, and even as I took my wife's shuddering form into my arms, and promised her everything would be okay, I knew I wouldn't change a thing. What we had was ours, and we'd made it so, even as we yelled over the electricity bill at midnight I knew we wouldn't care in hour's time when we'd be tangled in the sheets of our disheveled bed whispering of love and sweetness._

_I took a step towards her, grasping her shaking hands in my own and looking down at how perfectly we joined with a small smile of clarity. _

_"I love you so much more than that girl I met on your first day at McKinley. And I love you more every day... And no matter how long it takes to get to know you again it doesn't matter to me because I know I'm going to marry you one day."_

_She shook her head disbelievingly, and admittedly, but I could practically feel the fog of doubt as it surfaced._

_"We've both made some mistakes. And every day I wonder how I got so lucky to have you by my side after every one. I'm so far from perfect flawed doesn't even describe it. But when I'm with you I feel so complete I don't even care. You make me feel so loved Emma... And I pray every day I make you feel even a fraction of how wonderful you make me feel." Every time she so much as smiled my way I knew the journey was worth it, I knew every night of complete despair for a lost love I could say had never really been found, were worth it._

_"Why...? I never understood why, Will? I'm so... So messed up, I can't even list my mistakes I've made so many, and believe me I've tried... Why are you the one thing that's right?" Emma was silent in her thoughts for a moment, glaring at the glistening snow as if with envy for such unadulterated purity. But I saw no beauty in its vain lies, when the snow clears I know there will be what has always been; a blanket of snow can only hide the truth; it can't change it. _

_And I finally understood; every night of sureness and doubt was worth it, every touch blistered and burned, was worth it. She knew she'd heal now; because I'd promised to fix her. But she wasn't broken just because she wasn't perfect; maybe after everything she just needed to be complete. _

_"A thousand mistakes and I don't care because you're the one thing I haven't managed to screw up yet... I so thought I did... I thought everything was over... And if you had any sense it would be." Emma whispered sadly. _

_She turned away but I pulled her back with the tug of our conjoined hands._

_"Look at that, Emma..." I said as I brought our hands higher, as if presenting our prize to the watchful sky. "You don't just come across something so right every day. It doesn't just happen like that... What we have... it's something you only find once, if that. We're meant for each other..." She smiled then, a beautiful, scares smile made of magic. _

_"And I don't care what anyone says..." I stopped abruptly when Emma's sweet voice filled my ears: "Something's are worth fitting for." She finished with a soft smile, I grinned in response, pulling her closer to warmly capture my lips with hers; and the frosty winter air suddenly wasn't so cold anymore. _

**So there you have it; how I would've liked the scene to have gone! I mostly just wanted some fluff after the angst of "I do" because sometimes I just wish the writers would leave wemma to their adorable selves.**

**In a few days time I'll be posting the first chapter of a wemma fanfic I've been working on for a while, but if you guys have any prompts you'd like me to fill let me know and I'll write it as soon as I can!**

**My new fic will be called "hello stranger" And I'd love it if you guys checked it out **_**:)**_**. Thanks for reading, don't forget to let me know what you think! **_**:)**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry it's taken so long to post another chapter! Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter, your reviews never fail to make me smile! :D And thanks as well to those of you who are reading my new fanfic Hello stranger; it'd be great if you'd check it out if you haven't already! The next chapter should be posted very soon! This is a prompt from wemmaddicted: "could you write a chapter about the shooting scene in Shooting Star?" Thanks for the prompt I hope you enjoy the chapter! :)**

_Em,_

by the time you get this you'll have heard. Will you drop the phone...? Suddenly numb and emotionless; suddenly oblivious to the harsh sound it makes when it crashes to the floor. Will you remember when I told you to get it insured, and wish that you'd listened? Because you'd do anything to hear my voice the moment it becomes silent, forever.

Know that you can still hear me though, whenever you want. Hear my voice in the songs we used to dance to, around the kitchen on lazy Sunday mornings; and in the smell of the fresh cut grass we spent the afternoon sprawled across... or I did, with you beside me on a checkered blanket.

_If these are the last words I ever write I'm sorry. I'm sorry it's a rushed text and not a beautifully written love letter; maybe at least it's just as tragic._

I wish I'd written a thousand letters; I wish I'd written one for everyday I'm not there. If I could, I'd make up for all my mistakes in the form of roses and wine and all the beautiful things you deserve.

But right now I can't I can only give you this for the rest of forever, and that scares me. The only time I've been this afraid was when you had a panic attack that time in the hallway right outside where I'm sitting; your wide eyes were lifeless and so far away when you clutched my jumper in your tiny hands and I felt so totally lost. I can't imagine how you felt... did you feel alone in my arms? I'm so sorry if you ever felt alone...

You're so brave, you feel scared all the time yet and you just carry on like everything's okay. It's barley been five minutes and I'm already wondering how much longer I can pretend I'm fine when I'm so far from fine I'm a stranger to Okay.

I'm thinking of you right now, and now, and now... Of our future together, of a future I may never live. Of coming home tonight to the meal you pretended not to be cooking this morning when I found the open cook book on the counter. You're such a bad liar; I love that.

If this is the end think of it as a beginning instead. Be as happy as you should be, see yourself through my eyes and love yourself the way I do, if I can't.

Love Emma, never stop loving because I never want you to be alone, and you can do so much better than me.

Don't think of me too much. Don't think of me sadly because if it weren't for you I'd have lived half the life I did.

Smile when you think of PB&J sandwiches, at the sound tin foil makes when it crinkles and the pale dusting of chalk dust and cookies... Forget to picture the adorable curly-haired-ginger babies with your eyes and my smile when we found love comes on the radio, forget our future, but remember our past.

Your heart can't beat for two if it's broken, but let is beat fast; let it skip a beat ever so often. Know a heart that's barely beating is worse than one that's not beating at all.  
But don't let it break... because yours is the most beautiful I've ever known; fragile and caged and so very precious, and surely the largest of hearts.

At night, when you're happily married to a stranger you'll love more than you ever loved me, don't think of us then; don't flinch at the first smile in what seems like forever, know you've never been so beautiful as you are in moments like this one.

Know that every time you do the stars shine a little brighter; I smile with you every time.

I hope he loves you as much as I do; if his heart doesn't swell with adoration when your nose crinkles the adorable way it does when you concentrate enough, then he doesn't deserve you; if when he holds you it doesn't feel quite... right, if he doesn't hold you like you're precious, but strong at the same time; as he's holding the entire world in his arms, then he doesn't deserve you, and he's not strong enough to hold something so precious as everything, anyway.

Don't keep all my things. Because God knows you'll want to. Keep my vest though, the grey one; the one I wore the first time I met you; the one that still makes you giggle like a girl with a crush...

Think of me when you look to the sky each night and smile at the knowledge that every time you do, a heart that stopped beating long ago races just for you, and as a beat is skipped I know our love can never die.

If your tears glitter under the pale hue of the silver moonlight, remember I'll always be there, no matter what.

_One day we'll be together again. Remember that, and every time you miss me, read this text, and know I'm thinking of you, always._

I love you Emma, always have, always will, until forever I'll see you tonight, and every night after that, just as we promised. Under the stars; I'll be the one you that shines through the clouds.

My love always,  
Will  


The gleaming white china lay scattered where'd I'd left it, in piles organised by colour, size and age; but still so misplaced in their careful positions.

The whole room smelt of bleach, the odor so strong it was deafening. But I was numb.

My eyes bled with tears I couldn't find the strength to shred; the chemicals so overpowering they fell selfishly. My head ached and my mind was dizzy, the distraction was cherished, but not enough.

The hands that scrubbed so tirelessly at a stain I hadn't noticed before were red and raw; unrecognisable as mine when so many layers of skin had been shed and burned.

But I didn't care.

He was gone. Gone. Just like that. A lifetime destroyed in a moment. And now all that's left now is lost and broken.

Keys were rattling by the door, the distant sound of creaking floorboards barely audible in my chemically induced haze.

I turned slowly, and the room span with me, but faster than I had anticipated and I swayed on my feet, eyes wide and confused, feet walking without permission, despite the barley conscious voice who begged me to think. But it hurt too much to listen.

My phone lay on the counter barring his text; his last words, next to the still open cook book and the ingredients I'd only begun to prepare.

"Emma..."

It was him, I was sure; I'd recognise his voice anywhere.

It was better now. Tears ran freely, my cheeks more red than white, my legs shaking so much it was a wonder I was still standing, though barely.

Will.

I froze when I saw him, afraid my careless movement would shatter the beauty of my imagination; I needed to see him one last time; to watch as his eyes shone with adoration and tears... They glittered to the point of reflection.

"Emma... Come here..." I wandered aimlessly at the sound of his sweet whisper, floating clumsily without permission.

His arms were outstretched, welcoming, but I wondered what happens when you touch a ghost.

I hesitated for a moment, taking in his unshaved jaw, his tired, aged eyes, and the sadness that shone in them so meekly.

This wasn't the Will I'd expected. Not a ghost or a perfected image of hope; this was real. He was real.

Uncertainly my hand reached up to graze the soft material of his woolen vest, a shaky breath escaping in a gasp for the life I'd almost lost.

It wasn't a second before my tear stained cheeks were buried in the warmth of his chest. A lifeless, "Will..." falling from my lips in a choked breath, out of time like the tears that scarred my cheeks.

Surrounded by the musky smell of him, and the softness, and the heat, and everything that was him... Finally... the numbness faded... faster than it had initially possessed; gentle this time, soft and weak and colourless.

His arms were all that held me together when I fell apart in his arms, finally in reckless abandon, finally with everything I'd almost lost left, the tender, raw skin of my blistered hands clutching desperately at his clothes when he whispered that he was sorry, for what I don't know.

"Marry me..." it wasn't a question; it was gasped and shuddered through broken sobs, I nodded certainly, not knowing when, or where, but finally not caring, knowing I couldn't live without him, or him without me, and there was nothing left to be scared of; nothing else mattered but this; here, forever.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know; your reviews really mean the world to me! :) I've got quite a few prompts to fill but I will write them all eventually, in the mean time if you have any prompts just ask and I'll add them to my list! My tumblr page is linked to my profile if you're a shy anon, (or if you just want to say hi **_**:)**_**) or you can ask me in a guest review! Thanks for reading! **_**:)**_


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